Job stress

Last 1 month was pretty hectic for me. My colleague decided to take unpaid leave (till dunno when) due to her health condition (high BP). She’s preggo too! Our due dates are 2 weeks apart. Worst still, there’re only 2 of us in the software development team in Johor, so since she’s not around, I’m responsible for (almost) everything.

She took off at a ‘perfect’ timing, I must say. I mean, she has one major application to be deployed, but she’s not around. Of course, I have to take over her project. Having zero knowledge on it, I continued whatever she left. Over 2 weeks, I couldn’t sleep much, even when I did, I kept dreaming of the coding so on and so forth. Then comes the deployment phase, thanks to the SPI team for not testing it thoroughly, there are errors here and there. I went bonkers. I hate it especially when the errors have effect on MESA and worst, the Oracle-MLS and thus, affect the production team for not being able to ship out the products on time. Pfft!

Being committed to my job, I had to come early, went back late (at least later than usual) not to forget attend calls in the middle of the night. I totally hate it when I see 07-259**** numbers on my phone when I’m at home. I immediately got nervous and did hesitate whether to answer or just ignore it. Thinking of the consequences of answering stupid questions the very next day, I hesitantly pick em up.

I’ve joined this company for 4 months plus, to date. And I admit, I still couldn’t find myself totally attached or in love with my job. I mean, I do love programming (I never dreamt I will say this when I was back in UM). But I hate the environment here. EVERYTHING is urgent. I might love this kind of adrenaline rush before. But now, having this little one in me, I find myself having difficulty in coping up and rush in to things. Worst, I still couldn’t totally understand the production flow here.

I never realized, that working in a factory environment, is soooo stressfull. Especially when it NEVER shut down and the productions continues 365 days a year, non-stop. Worst, I still couldn’t get myself hang on the jargons and terms that they frequently blurt to me. What with the different operation codes, the confusing MESA Flow, the overrated binning and whatnot. *sigh*

At times, I do missed working in Kem.pas Medi.cal Cen.tre. At least there, I’m working with….human! Something or rather, someone that I could (personally) relate to. Unlike here, working with machines and such. Oh oh. Did you know, the main reason I decided to call it a quit on my previous 4 years job, is because I couldn’t stand the on-call duty? Yeap! There are quite a number of times that I had to go to the office on non-office hour to settle things. There was once, it was freaking 3am! The server went down because of UPS failure. HATE IT! Moreover, hardware is not my best area. And never will be.

When I look back, as much as I wanted to runaway from being ‘disturbed’ on non-office hour, I can’t. I still have to face the same thing with current job. You see, being a programmer, you have to be responsible with what ever you wrote. When user had a problem, why they couldn’t do this or that, they’ll come straight right to you, while it should be the SPI (System Production Improvement) team they should refer to. Bottom line, only the programmer knows best on that system/application. Therefore, I realized, if I were to remain doing programming, I HAVE to LOVE being ‘disturbed’ at any time of the day, including holidays. Pfftttt!

Deep down inside, SOMETIMES, I do regret that I turned down the offer from SPA on F41 too. cause I’m pretty sure if I were to work in the office as government servant, it won’t be this stressful. but things happened for a reason. If I ever did accept it, maybe, I will have to live away from hubster. And maybe we couldn’t live like the way we are as the pay as F41, is much lower than what Im getting now. But of course, rezeki is Allah’s hand. No matter how much we earn, money will NEVER be enough. That’s a fact. We’re after all, just human. Never satisfied with what we have. ‘__’

As for now, I just have to endure and take in anything that comes by. It’s not the right time to be searching for another job. I’m giving myself till next year. If I still find it hard to hang in here, I shall find myself hitting Jobstreet site every other day. Maybe, no more programming work eyh? Housewife perhaps ? (batting eyelashes to that someone….)