Friday, September 5, 2014

Syurga buat Mama

Dah dekat 5 bulan mama kembali kepada pencipta. Rindu. Rindu amat-amat.

Rindu nk call mama masa tgh pam. Mama akan tanya bape byk dpt arini.
Rindu nk dgr mama call and talk to Nurin masa otw to or fro rumah pengasuh
Rindu intonasi mama "Assalamualaikum anak mama" every friday nite bile balik umah sana
Rindu nk angkat mama, dukung mama
Rindu nk mandikan mama sambil borak2
Rindu nk golek2 sebelah mama sambil mama lurut rambut adik
Rindu....
Type ni pon dh berjujuran air mata

tu la lumrah manusia kan...bila ada, we take things for granted, bila tiada...hmmmm
menyesal....mmg mcm2 penyesalan yg ade dlm benak ni
menyesal x layan mama dgn baik masa hayatnye
kekadang bile penat, dia call, saja x angkat...skrg, rindu...
hmphhh...

skrg Ayah pakai phone num mama..saja x potong sbb free call between our num.
masa baru2 mama pergi, ayah call pakai num tu, appear "Mama" on my phone. tersentak sekejap.

Nnt lah...akan diceritakan jugak mcm mane mama 'pergi'. sbb mmg kenangan sgt2...every detail masih dlm ingatan. yg penting, mama pergi dgn mudah ditemani ayah, mairah (lil sis), Ayyash Az-Zidane and myself. amat mudah smpai kami sendiri xsedar di saat bila ialah nafas terakhirnya. Allahuakbar. It was her ultimate wish to go tanpa menyusahkan sesiapa dan cepat.

Semoga mama damai dan tenang di sana, di samping Tok Mak, Tok Yah and adik Abdullah dan para solihin yang lain.
Semoga Allah jauhkan mama dari segala seksaan dan janjikan Syurga buat Mama

We miss u so much, but we know u're definitely in a better place.
Till we meet again, Adik sayang Mama....

hari-hari ayah datang 'berbual' dgn Mama. He misses you Ma....



Wednesday, April 9, 2014

The birth of Ayyash Az-Zidane

Bismillah

Alhamdulillah..I am now a proud mother of two. A girl and a boy. Sepasang sudah…boleh berehat lama skit. Eiceh…ye je…sekali…tettttttt…baru pas bersalin ni pon mcm dh rindu masa pregnant. Bersalin kali ni lebih kurang je masa bersalin nurin. Cuma entah kenapa, kali ni takde rase serik sgt.

Utk kenangan, here’s the chrono

Dec 2013

Company keluarkan memo mengatakan Maternity Leave starting 2014 akan increase ke 90 days. Sgt2 berharap adik akan lahir on 2014, to be exact, Jan 3, 2014. Siap ajak ramai2 doakan by putting up the words in fb…hikhik…so as others read, at the same time they are praying for me lah kan. Sbb tu kena specific…
screen capture of my fb status

Jan 2, 2014 – Thursday

• Specifically request hubster utk bacakan Yaasin utk baby and I, semoga semua selamat and dapat lahir esok


Jan 3, 2014 – Friday
• Bgn pagi dgn perasaan berdebar, mcm dpt rase today IS the day

me on my last day of pregnancy
• 8am - Sampai ofis, terus ke toilet. Rasa mcm nk menjerit and nk sujud syukur kat situ jugak bile nmpak lendir darah on my pantyliner. Walk to my desk sambil tersengih2 sbb lama sgt dh tunggu saat ni. Call hubster, bitau condition and agreed utk jumpe kt umah.

• 9am – drive back home. Colleagues pelik sbb masih nk drive. Huhuh…baru keluar tanda…takde rasa sakit pon

• 9am to 4pm – smpai umah, last minute packing, mandi lama gile, siap syampu rambut and hisap air hujung rambut. Hubster beria mengasak ajak g hospital cepat. Masalahnye x sakit sgt. Stakat on and off cramps je.. Kompem sesia je g hospital. Lepas siap semua, pergi rumah mak. Konon nak drop brg2 pantang, then nk ajak hubster g jejalan dulu. Tup2, melekat kt umah mak. Mak siap masak kari ikan…sayang xde bendi…2 pinggan makan sbb tau perlukan tenaga nnt..solat zohor, ngaji sikit…try tdo xleh..excited sgt…

• 4pm – masih x rase skt sgt, tp sbb terlalu berharap nk lahir haritu jugak, so rasa mcm nk serah diri je. Mana tau, dgn Pitocin, sempat lahir aritu jugak…gerak dr umah, singgah umah babysitter nurin, nk pass extra baju n diapers. Peluk cium dia yg tgh tdo..sayu…singgah petronas, beli ice cream

sempat menikmati ice-cream top ten RM1.50..favourite nih.

• 4.30pm – singgah Shaklee tmn molek, beli supplements utk pantang. Zinc, Vit B, Vit C, Vitalea and Ostematrix.

• 5pm – sampai PAC HSI. Btau turun tanda. Yg ade hanyalah 2 houseman girls. a Chinese and a malay. The Chinese did VE on me, turns out baru 1-2 cm. dia suruh balik. I tanye, u tak buat CTG ke? And she replied, Perlu ke? I said, I demand for it. Turns out, CTG x cntik. Baby Sleeping pattern katenye. Berkali2 nurse betolkan kedudukan CTG tu. Kebetulan a MO lalu my bed, saw my CTG, and scream “who attend this patient??” berlari the Chinese girl to me. I masih igt the ayat the MO marah kan the HO.. “Didn’t u look at the CTG? I said ARM now! Now means now!!! In two minutes, if she’s not in the labour room, anything happens to her, u answer!” peghhhh..terkujat makcik sbb masa tu tgh berangan, kalau betul kene blk, dh plan nk ajak hubster singgah mcd, beli Prosperity burger. Punah lah harapan…kalau dh masuk labour room, mmg xdptlah nk mkn…masa kena tolak dgn wheelchair, I was so blur..ARM tu ape? Tanya attendant yg tolak tu, rupenya pecahkan ketuban…erk?! Mmg tak gentle langsung la birthing aku kali ni

• 6.15pm – the MO pecahkan ketuban. Tak sakit, tp sgt tak selasa sbb dia mcm rodok2 benda panjang tu. Yg I pulak terkemut, maka susahlah dia nk buat. Tetiba, gushhhhh…air panas mencurah…lega, x sakit….dia siap pesan, u rest kejap, around 7 start Pitocin which means contraction mmg akan kuat selepas tu. He did VE, 3 cm.

• 7.15pm – start Pitocin

in labour room. selepas air ketuban dipecahkan and on pitocin

• 8.15 pm – 4cm. contractions 2 in 10. Masih boleh handle. Masih boleh berbual dgn hubster.

• 9.30 pm - the CTG shows that my baby is distress tp I x rase pape pon. so i have to wear the oxygen tube. rimas gak bende tu. but for my baby's sake, redha...

• 10-12 pm – sakit yg maha sakit…no progress in my dilation. Mcm tak consistent dgn contraction yg maha hebat tu..sampai 100++ reading bile skt tu…by then, I already maxed out on Pitocin dosage. I asked them to call Dato’ Ghazali for advice. He advised to increase sikit lg and monitor. C-Sec should be under consideration by now. oh oh...I really hate the ethonox gas...i xnk, tp midwife tu sibuk suruh pakai to help ease the pain. masalahnye, it doesnt help at all. n dh tau bnd akan buat I ngantok. kang kalo ngantok, i bertambah cranky. tp hubster pujuk gak mintak ikut ckp midwife...i sedut gak, tp kekadang saje sedut tipu2, takut sgt ngantok...

in between contractions. sbg kenangan.


Jan 4, 2014 - Saturday

• 1.30 am – sakitnye Ya Allah…segala breathing technique I dah apply. Nothing helps anymore. Asked for VE, turns out, 5cm!!!! 1 cm je gerak in 5 freaking hours???!!! Another doc came in and mention, “Lets hope for a miracle”. Dengar je perkataan miracle, I teringat something. Kertas doa (selusuh) yg my dad buatkan for me. I was holding on to it since smpai hospital. Tp masa tgh dok sakit2 around 9pm, the kertas jatuh on the floor and hubster put it away in my bag. Terus I mintak kertas tu, and hold on to it.

• 1.50 am – hubster mintak izin nk turun minum sbb x mkn or minum pape sejak maghrib. I said NO! he said kejap je, sempat punye sbb I baru 5cm. but still, I x bg. kejam, tp motherly instinct ni.

• 1.56 am – rase mcm nk terberak sesangat. Mintak midwife buat VE. She refused, saying doc bru je buat 20 minutes ago. I siap merayu kt dia, please….I tak tahan sgt ni…I nk teran dah….seeing my face, dia buat jugak. And Alhamdulillah, maha kuasa Allah, I dah full dilate! 5 cm of progress in 30 minutes! Sama mcm kes nurin dulu, beria lah I kena kemut tahan, sbb nk tunggu midwife setup barang.

• 1.58 am – midwife request nk buat episiotomy?! Hello!!! I blom try push lg u dah nk potong??? I said No!!! dia kata saya kena buat, nnt baby susah nk keluar. I said No! I boleh!! Beria aku buat perineal massage oih! Unfortunately, I did not inform and educate hubster on this, maka he gave his consent. Next second, zappp, bunyi gunting. Sigh………lesson learnt here

• 1.59 am – dgn sekali push, keluar kepala. Next push, lahirlah anak kedua kami. Alhamdulillah. Hilang segala rasa sakit yg berejam tu. Mcm magic! Syukur jugak, kali ni, hubster dpt witness everything. I terus bukak butang baju, and they placed him on my chest. Tried to bf him, tp dia xnk sedut…jilat2 je…xpelah dik…at least dpt jugak skin to skin…

Ayyash Az-Zidane bin Mohd Afiq
2.75 kg, 50cm
Jan 4, 2014 1.59 am
SVD

terserlah kelonjongan kepala hasil teran sebelum masa


selepas first poo dibersihkan


our first 'decent' picture together.

Mungkin sbb both my kids are born petite, so mmg senang nk teran keluar. Infact, senang sgt. Itu bahagian I. seksa menahan contraction yg lama, tp dipermudah saat melahirkan.

Apepon, syukur sgt2...serik? mcm x je...hikhikhik.


Thursday, January 2, 2014

Mama


Alhamdulillah, dah masuk 2014. dh 39 weeks pon kandunganku ini...melepasi gestational age kakak Nurin yg lahir 37w3d dulu...

Smlm g gcheckup, uncle li kate In shaa Allah, baby besar sikit dr kakak yg kecik je lahir dulu at 2.39kg... dh melepasi 2014, i really do hope baby akan lahir soon sbb cam dh malas nk g keje n x larat nk ngusung perut and susah nk tidur lately ni. to be precise, mmg harap sgt akan lahir esok, 3 Jan 2014. sebab esok jumaat, and esok 1 RabiulAwal n 3hb is birth date Nurin and I...

makin nk melahirkan, ingatan kat mama makin kuat. tiap kali jugak terigt ttg my post kt fb recently...

komen mama tu buat I nangis teresak2 bile first time baca...yes...she has always been there for me throughout the important events in my life...except during labour. *nangissss*

siapa yg tau, tau lah. my mom sakit yg tak sakit. she cant walk, but she is not in pain. xnk citer lebih2...ni pon cam dh sebak, sbb igt mama...lately ni pon, bile g umah diorg masa wiken, bile nk gerak blk, mesti rasa sayu bile salam mama..I sometimes secretly wish that 1 day, mama boleh berjalan semula. Amin.

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