Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Azhraf admitted due to Osteomyelitis (Bone Infection)

sehari sebelum sakit...masih elok aktif berdiri and memapah 

Masa raya ketiga, Pokde and family came over to our humble abode, rindukan cucu katenye sambil beraya. Since they’re coming, I asked my family to come over too.. I masak nasi impit, nasi minyak and ayam masak merah…

Petang tu lepas sume org dh blk, Azhraf asik merengek…serba x kne…dukung nangis, letak lagilah nangis…I thought kembung perut ke ape.

Esoknye (Jul 9) bile letak dlm walker, I realised that he didn’t lift his right arm…bg ape2 semua dia amik pakai tgn kiri…dh mcm org kidal….that’s when I realised area bahu dia mcm sakit…
Hubs and I mcm blur jap xtau nk g urut or nk g klinik…sbb fikir g klinik pun ape je la yg doc boleh buat...sbb time tu igt cam terkehel ke ape je…in the end hubs insist g klinik je yg ade X-ray facility. So ard 1pm, kami keluar…nasib la pg tu mmg dh masak asam pedas ikan sembilang…so sblm kluar tu sume dh makan nasi…coz it was really a looooooong dreaded day for us.

Gi klinik i-Sihat kat Bukit Dahlia sbb tau doc situ cam best sikit…tau la kan ade certain doc ni cam acuh x acuh je consult patient…doc Mok ni mmg baik…very patient and concern…so siap baringkan adik, bukak baju and dia compare both bahu…lama jugak dia belek…at least I rasa puas hati sbb dia mmg examine btul2…katenye kt area sendi bahu Azhraf bengkak…dia suggest utk X-Ray to be safe, sbb walau pun jari boleh gerak n genggam, still takut kalau ade fracture ke ape yg xleh nmpk dr mata kasar…tp xleh buat kt klnik dia sbb radiographer dia cuti…so he wrote us a referral letter…we decided to go to HSI, sbb masa tu Sabtu and baru Raya ke-4, malas nk g pvt..kang ade yg masih cuti…g gomen inshaAllah kompem ade. So with the consultation and the letter, kne caj RM15 je…ok la tu…

2 kekanak riang kt A&E..jakun nmpak mama

Then weols terus ke HSI…with the letter, kami diterima di Zon Hijau…tidak kritikal…masa tu adik dmm sikit dh…37.8 x silap… masa tu around 2.45 pm… syukurlah A&E HSI tu agak selesa dgn aircond…Cuma agak hingar bingar sbb ramai patient comes with big family…siap cantik sedondon berbaju raya…masing2 bwk mknn jugak….mcm2 bau ade…lontong, soto, mee goreng…org x lapar, boleh jd lapar…dlm hati dh set, igt by maghrib dpt settle ni…



MashaAllah, only at 8.30 pm baru nombor kami naik! Bayangkan dr 2.45pm hingga 8.30pm I setia melangut kt waiting area tu…almost 7 hours oih!!!tp masa tu I ok je…masih redha and pasrah…mmg dh tau g gomen kne byk bersabar dgn waiting game ni…masuk tu, doc examine him…dia mntak izin utk X ray bahu…I said OK…so berjalanlah kami berdua baby and I ke X-Ray dept kt blkg A&E tu…masa ni ok lagi…ard 9pm kot…lpas X-Ray, g blk consultation room…lmbat pulak radiographer tu upload/share imej XRay, so doc mntak I tunggu kt nursing room…tp sejuk sgt oih…so I diri je dpn Yellow Zone…

dkt sejam kot…tgk2, no fracture whatsoever on his X-ray…another MO tlg tgk baby…habis ditelek Azhraf…bukak baju pampers bagai…nk eliminate chances of abuse kot…then she suggest XRay tengkuk pulak…I said OK too…masa ni dh agak lewat..10pm kot…I dh mula penat…g semula ke Xray dept…sunyi gile…seram sikit pun ade…settle tu, blk smula ke consultation room, nothing…all looks OK…tp both doc ni x berani nk discaj kami without having Ortho consult. Nk tunggu doc dr ortho, masa ni I rase nk pitam…dh la sejuk…x mkn…last meal was at 12noon kot! Lapar gileeee….siap msg my husband yg tunggu dlm kete sbb the other 2 kids dh tdo…mntak dia blikan mee grg mamak…sbb setel ni, I nk terus mkn…xnk singgah mane2…

Sbbkn mak mcm nk pitam, doc bg kami katil dkt observation room…lega sikit dpt baring…Alhamdulillah Azhraf ok je sepanjang kami kt A&E tu…most of the time dia mmg tdo je…asal jgn pgang bahu dia, dia ok…

 mmg most of the time waktu menunggu tu dia tido je..lenguh gak tgn nk memangku...mmg x amik stroller sbb kalau letak mmg kompem bgn ni...tgh xsedap bdn kn



kalau x tdo pon still ok...xde merengek sgt...ade masa tgh tunggu tu, terlintas nk blk je sbb nmpak dia mcm ok...

baru baring dlm 10 minit, ortho docs dtg, tgk xray, xde ape…pgang bb sikit, kata ok ni…maybe muscle pull je…so dpt PCM, kami balik. 11.45pm baru I dpt menapak keluar dr A&E tu…bayangkan! 9 jam kami ‘mereput’ di A&E HSI…

Balik sume pengsan…tp I hampa sikit…sbb I mntak husband bli mee grg mamak kn…tp dia blikn nan cheese set…sedih jap sbb kt tekak ni dh terasa2 mee grg maamk…tp mkn la jugak naan tu sbb dh kebulur kan…nasib sedap jugak…crita mee goring mamak ni mmg x habis sini ok…hahaha…esok pg sume bgn lambat…ard 10am kot baru sume bgn…kami ni jarang bgn lmbat..especially the 2 kids…penat sgt!

FYI, adik masih lg sakit tgn lpas2 tu…masih lg dmam on and off for the next 11 days…in between, kami ade bwk dia pergi berubat dgn sepupu mak on Jul 13th (5th day sakit)…dia bg air penawar…xde urut…tgk xde improvement, masih dmm dan skt tgn, I igt nk bwk dia pegi KK, buat blood test on Sunday Jul 17th (9th day sakit) tu, tp MIL n hubs insist bwk g urut dgn jiran MIL...dia urut dan ‘tarik’ lengan kanan adik…katenye mmg ade tulang ‘lari’…bekalkan air jugak…too bad, adik masih lg x pulih…still demam dan sakit tgn…

Continue Part 2





Friday, July 15, 2016

The day Mama left us

13 April, 2014, lebih kurang 10.30 pagi….mama pergi dan takkan kembali….kembali ke pangkuan yg abadi….

We’re supposed to go out for lunch to celebrate Ayah’s birthday (Apr 25th)…mmg saje nk sambut awal sbb kebetulan Maira (my lil sis) balik that weekend. Dia tgh final year kt UiTM Shah Alam masa tu

So pg tu…ayah blikan roti canai utk kami bfast..setgh keping pon mama xdpt nk habiskan…lpas dia bfast, as usual mmg dh kne terus get ready utk ke toilet…so I carried her and left her alone to complee her ‘business’….lama jugak tunggu, tp dia kata x dpt nk membuang ‘normally’….this might sound gross, tp mmg I dah biasa…so I akan bantu mama by masukkan jari…this is pretty usual for someone yg immobile…jarang bergerak kan…proses pelawasan pon kurg efficient…I tried my best to empty it all…

Settle tu, I mandikan dia…which I really glad I did…biasanye, bile Maira ade, she will take over…tp entah knape aritu I tergerak nk buat sendiri…and asked my husband to tgk2kan Nurin and Ayyash jap…masa mandikan tu dia ade ngadu x sedap badan…ngan ayah pon dia ckp mcm kaki dia kebas….slama ni mmg dia x boleh jln, tp dia x rase sakit/pedih…dia masih boleh rasa kalau semut lalu…Cuma mmg tak dpt nk melangkah. And eventually dh x dpt berdiri.
Sambil mandi tu, bile dia ngadu, I asked her to be strong…kite nk kluar mkn ni…td mama kan x mkn sgt…nnt mama mkn btol2 k…dia jarang kluar…so mmg looking forward lah bile dpt keluar ni kan….SubhanaAllah….lega nye I rasa bile mengenangkan I dah empty her bowel and mandikan dia, cuci muka dia, shampoo rambut dia, sabun badan dia pagi tu….siapa sangka, itulah kali terakhir I get to do all that on my dear mama…

Siap mandi, lap2 kering semua, amik wudhuk…then I carry her from the toilet bowl (dia mandi sambal duduk kt situ), to the wheelchair and then to the bed…I pakai kan dia baju, n pakaikan telekung…and tinggalkan dia utk dia rehat jap n solat dhuha, while I bathe Ayyash yg masa tu bru 4 bulan…lpas mandikan Ayyash, I ltak dia sblah mama…Then nampak lah ayah pon baring sama sambal borak2 dgn mama and main dgn Ayyash…I let them be while settlekan ape…x igt dah

Tau2, around 10.20 tu, Maira nk pakaikan mama pampers, tetibe dia menjerit panggil kami semua…kaki mama tetibe kejang and mama macam x respons…seolah2 kena fit. Tangan dia pon dia genggam and mulut ketap..i xtau lah knapa I pegi amik sudu and ltak in between her teeth…takut dia gigit lidah dia…sumer panic…ayah dok panggil2 nama mama…sumer cam tergamam…I straight call ambulans….mcm2 pulak dia tanye….smbil tu ayah call Datuk Li…mama’s cuzin who’s a head of ObGyn in HSI…dia advice panggil ambulans je and nothing much we could do.

Smbil tunggu ambulans tu, kami dok panggil2 mama. Sikit pun x terlintas utk kami nk cek nadi dia…kami igt, cam biasa, mama sakit, naik ambulans, admitted ward 3 4 hari, then mama akan OK…smntara tu call kakak btau mama sakit n tgh tunggu ambulans…ayah pulak while nk make sure dpan umah clear utk ambulans, bertegur dh pakcik Rahim dpn rumah. He came by, tgk mama, and he tried to check her pulse. Tergamam kami…x terfikir langsung! Mcm dh xde katenye…I yg masa tu kt sblh kpale mama, tried to look for pulse kt leher dia…mcm xde jugak….meraung kami anak beranak sbb langsung x expect.  By then kakak and her husband, abg echom pon dh sampai…few minutes pas tu, ambulans dtg, and diorg terus cek denyutan jantung n nadi… and she was pronounced dead then and there at around 10.45am….

Allahuakbar…we’re supposed to go out for lunch together, tp kekasih abadi telah menjemput dia kembali…sedih hiba sgt2….i meraung macam nk gile skjap masa tu….mcm hilang akal…I x nmpk my husband and kids masa tu. Alhamdulillah dia ade sbb I mcm langsung x boleh fikir straight…lupe anak…lupa husband…meraung je….abg Echom dok tenangkan kami…when I got back all my senses and blaja utk redha, bru tenang sikit…baru dpt berfikir semula and kemaskan rumah…salin baju mama….baru td adik pakai kan baju mama cantik2, tp ni kne bukak dah….selimutkan elok2,baca yasin seblah mama atas katil, then tiba masa, kami  alihkan jenazah mama ke ruang tamu dan mengadap kiblat.

Xlama lepas tu, ramai yg datang…Alhamdulillah adik beradik mama semua sempat tiba by 3pm x silap…ade yg dr Spore and paling jauh pun dr KL…jiran sblh kiri rumah yg mmg berniaga pasar malam, tlg masakkan lauk utk mkn tghari/ptg kami…semua siap dihidang di porch rumah jiran sblh kanan.syukur dpt jiran yg baik2…mmg betul kami dpt ‘makan beramai2’…tp atas sebab yg lain…sedihnyaaa….

Masa nk mandikan jenazah, ade yg tanye I nk mandikan x..tp ade makcik2 yg kata x elok…sbb I ade baby yg baru 4 bulan…termenung kejap, I fikir, xpelah…pgi td I dah dpt mandikan dia masa dia masih bernyawa…berilah peluang tu pd adik n kakak and yg lain yg sudi…

Long story short, around 4, mama selamat dikebumikan di Tanah Perkuburan Bukit Aliff…ard 15 minutes dr rumah…I x ikut…ade baby kan…hari ke-3 baru I dapat zirah kubur mama…ikut ayah…seminggu I cuti masa tu…dh la baru seminggu naik dr 3 months maternity leave, smbung lagi compassionate leave. Nak buat cmne kan..bkn kita mintak..syukur jugak colleagues and bosses all OK…

It took me quite a while to digest the fact that mama dh xde…tiada lagi keberkatan doa dr seorang ibu for us…di akhir hayat mama, walau pun dia ‘paralyse’, she knows it all….dia ttp tahu ape ade dimana dlm rumah dia…siang2 pun lpas dh mandi and solat, sementara nk tunggu masa utk masak lunch dgn ayah, dia akan online using the laptop yg I ltak kt umah…pndai je dia google resepi itu ini, login fb…

Paling terasa ialah dh xde lg teman berbual waktu pam di office…dia rajin call waktu I pam…bukan bual ape pon…blk2 masak ape, buat ape…tp kadang2, I terpaksa make our call short bile bz…aihhhh…tu lah kan…bile dh xde ni baru rasa nk menyesal bagai…rindunya….ni dh 2 tahun pun masih rindu…terbayang2 usapan lembut tgn dia bile I blk rumah sana, lepas angkat2 brg masuk dr kete, I akan baring jap sblh dia…time tu la dia urut (lebih pd usap je pun sbb dia x kuat) blkg and bahu anak dia…suara dia yg ceria ucap “Assalamualaikum anak mama” everytime I smpai…rindukan dia ckp “Anak syurga mama ni” each time lepas I angkat dia or mandikan dia”…tiada lagi kata2/doa itu…semoga Allah makbulkan doa mama yg satu ini…

Semoga Allah berkati hayat mama, ampuni dosa2 mama, terima segala amal ibadah mama, haramkan mama dari azab api neraka dan rahmati roh mama…

Adik sayang mama…dulu, kini, dan selamanya…

Hjh Rojinah bt Abd Kadir (18 Feb 1955 ~ 13 Apr 2014)



Thursday, July 14, 2016

Hello World!

Assalam
Been ages since I wrote in here. Last was on mama's passing. Semoga mama ditempatkan di kalangan para solihin...

Lets do some updates!

  • We've welcomed our third bundle of joy on 15 Sep 2015. A Boy, Alhamdulillah. Azhraf Az Zidane bin Mohd Afiq. New rule... dh x boleh ade sempang '-' untuk daftar nama anak...maka nama last x sebijik dgn abg. Definitely a (pleasant) 'surprise' when we found out we're expecting another one. Masa tu Ayyash bru smbut bufday sethn. Merasa gak dpt anak setahun satu. huhuhu...Azhraf is a pretty easy boy...snang jage dia...masa pantang pon I ok je...happy je...walaupon x smpat discaj dr maternity, dh kne admit utk baby jaundice, I happy je...infact I mmg lg suke dok kt ward, teman bb masa dia jaundice, dr kene dok ulang alik g cek darah...5 hari gak...I ok je..dok kt spital ni tenang je...sampai masa, makanan sampai...huhuhu..tp kesian husband je la...penat berulang...

  • We bought a house! Sub Sale single storey house. Alhamdulillah segala urusan dipermudahkan. First pergi tgk rumah on mlm 1 April 2015, dpt loan approval within 2 weeks, dpt kunci rumah on July 27th, 2015, buat renovation sikit (tukar lampu/kipas, repaint cornice/ceiling/walls in all rooms and hall dan yg paling feveret tahap mengidam (masa tu tgh heavily pregnant) adalah pasang laminated flooring on whole house except kitchen. I managed it all. cari kontraktor, cari barang, cari design...hubs was pretty busy dgn kerja baru...so I was the one yg dok ulang alik tgk progress rumah during lunch break or after office hour. Excited oih. And we finally moved in on Aug 22nd. sgt rushing sbb my due date was on Sep 21st! sile bayangkan, dgn preggo 36 weeks, dok mempacking barang, masuk kotak, kemas bagai...tp mmg bersemangat sgt...nk jugak merasa dok umah sendiri sblm beranak!

  • Ayah dh ade teman baru....Alhamdulillah...sekurang2nye ade peneman yg sudi jaga sakit pening dan perut dia...hihihi...dh smbut first anniversary pon 12th Feb aritu. So far, so good...kami pon baik je dgn aunty...pandai masak and rajin jugak menghias rumah...slowly dia re-susun rumah ayah...kami ok je...it was nice...raya ni, mmg raya betul rumah diorg...siap langsir baru.. walaupon bli siap kt SSF...

  • Nurin dh start school early this year... I spent my final month of confinement leave utk mencari school utk dia...kt JB ni, ade kindies yg ikut skolah kjaan means skolah on sunday, ade yg x...memula tu I was reluctant nk pilih yg skolah on jumaat...tp masa during nk decide tu, mmg dh berkenan sgt dgn Little Caliph...so redha je lah...pengasuh pun sudi nk jaga dia on Friday, so OK lah...Alhamdulillah, bagus jugak sbnanye dia skool Ahad ni...Nurin and Ayyash ni mmg susah sikit bile ade sama2...asik nk gaduh...berebut brg....so sabtu mmg weols akan spend time together, then Ahad, mmg senyap je umah...Ayyash pon mcm x tentu arah bile Nurin xde...dok klua masuk bilik...xtau nk kacau sape...hahahaha...bile kakak ade bukan main awak dok nyakat akak.

  • Raya kali ni sgt2 sederhana....I didnt buy anything for myself..baju budak2 pon dpt lepaskan first raya pon dah cukup...asal sedondon dgn abahnye. bju casual mmg dh slalu beli...byk yg x pakai lg...sjak abah dia kje shift ni, mmg jarang sgt kami keluar...kalau ade pon slalu dgn my sisters...untung dpt sisters yg rajin melayan anak2 kami...

  • I'm no more working in WD...sbnanye dr masa confinement leave lg dh terpikir nk cari keje lain. sbb rase cam best bile 3 bln cuti tu, xyah risaukn ape2 psl keje...sblm tu, dia punye buzy dan stress...mak aih....tp bile dh naik keje tu, terlupa jap...smpai lah on March 1st, dpt notification kt fb saying I dah 5 thn keje situ. 5 tahun? fuhhh...mmh dh high time tu...maka terus scouting...x byk sgt opportunities kt JB ni utk senior position...I byk receive openings and offers from KL...tp x nk kot...x rase nk dok sana....Alhamdulillah, landed on pretty good offer kt sini...Submit resignation letter on 22nd March, and start keje baru on 30th May...sedih gile masa nk inform boss... all is good there...especially my bosses...just that, its time to move on and try new adventur...keje baru ni pulak ok je...cuma the thing is, the office is a shop lot. so sgt downgraded dr WD yg premis nye has it all, kpd premis yg ermmmm...toilet pun share gents and ladies... redha je lahhhh...bertabah sbb tau sini dpt blaja benda baru.,..good to build my repertoire...lets give myself at least a year here...then baru fikir camne...
So I guess thats all for now....nnt ade masa, kita kasi update lg...kesian Ayyash And Azhraf, I didnt update anything on their milestone...wuuuuuu




Friday, September 5, 2014

Syurga buat Mama

Dah dekat 5 bulan mama kembali kepada pencipta. Rindu. Rindu amat-amat.

Rindu nk call mama masa tgh pam. Mama akan tanya bape byk dpt arini.
Rindu nk dgr mama call and talk to Nurin masa otw to or fro rumah pengasuh
Rindu intonasi mama "Assalamualaikum anak mama" every friday nite bile balik umah sana
Rindu nk angkat mama, dukung mama
Rindu nk mandikan mama sambil borak2
Rindu nk golek2 sebelah mama sambil mama lurut rambut adik
Rindu....
Type ni pon dh berjujuran air mata

tu la lumrah manusia kan...bila ada, we take things for granted, bila tiada...hmmmm
menyesal....mmg mcm2 penyesalan yg ade dlm benak ni
menyesal x layan mama dgn baik masa hayatnye
kekadang bile penat, dia call, saja x angkat...skrg, rindu...
hmphhh...

skrg Ayah pakai phone num mama..saja x potong sbb free call between our num.
masa baru2 mama pergi, ayah call pakai num tu, appear "Mama" on my phone. tersentak sekejap.

Nnt lah...akan diceritakan jugak mcm mane mama 'pergi'. sbb mmg kenangan sgt2...every detail masih dlm ingatan. yg penting, mama pergi dgn mudah ditemani ayah, mairah (lil sis), Ayyash Az-Zidane and myself. amat mudah smpai kami sendiri xsedar di saat bila ialah nafas terakhirnya. Allahuakbar. It was her ultimate wish to go tanpa menyusahkan sesiapa dan cepat.

Semoga mama damai dan tenang di sana, di samping Tok Mak, Tok Yah and adik Abdullah dan para solihin yang lain.
Semoga Allah jauhkan mama dari segala seksaan dan janjikan Syurga buat Mama

We miss u so much, but we know u're definitely in a better place.
Till we meet again, Adik sayang Mama....

hari-hari ayah datang 'berbual' dgn Mama. He misses you Ma....



Wednesday, April 9, 2014

The birth of Ayyash Az-Zidane

Bismillah

Alhamdulillah..I am now a proud mother of two. A girl and a boy. Sepasang sudah…boleh berehat lama skit. Eiceh…ye je…sekali…tettttttt…baru pas bersalin ni pon mcm dh rindu masa pregnant. Bersalin kali ni lebih kurang je masa bersalin nurin. Cuma entah kenapa, kali ni takde rase serik sgt.

Utk kenangan, here’s the chrono

Dec 2013

Company keluarkan memo mengatakan Maternity Leave starting 2014 akan increase ke 90 days. Sgt2 berharap adik akan lahir on 2014, to be exact, Jan 3, 2014. Siap ajak ramai2 doakan by putting up the words in fb…hikhik…so as others read, at the same time they are praying for me lah kan. Sbb tu kena specific…
screen capture of my fb status

Jan 2, 2014 – Thursday

• Specifically request hubster utk bacakan Yaasin utk baby and I, semoga semua selamat and dapat lahir esok


Jan 3, 2014 – Friday
• Bgn pagi dgn perasaan berdebar, mcm dpt rase today IS the day

me on my last day of pregnancy
• 8am - Sampai ofis, terus ke toilet. Rasa mcm nk menjerit and nk sujud syukur kat situ jugak bile nmpak lendir darah on my pantyliner. Walk to my desk sambil tersengih2 sbb lama sgt dh tunggu saat ni. Call hubster, bitau condition and agreed utk jumpe kt umah.

• 9am – drive back home. Colleagues pelik sbb masih nk drive. Huhuh…baru keluar tanda…takde rasa sakit pon

• 9am to 4pm – smpai umah, last minute packing, mandi lama gile, siap syampu rambut and hisap air hujung rambut. Hubster beria mengasak ajak g hospital cepat. Masalahnye x sakit sgt. Stakat on and off cramps je.. Kompem sesia je g hospital. Lepas siap semua, pergi rumah mak. Konon nak drop brg2 pantang, then nk ajak hubster g jejalan dulu. Tup2, melekat kt umah mak. Mak siap masak kari ikan…sayang xde bendi…2 pinggan makan sbb tau perlukan tenaga nnt..solat zohor, ngaji sikit…try tdo xleh..excited sgt…

• 4pm – masih x rase skt sgt, tp sbb terlalu berharap nk lahir haritu jugak, so rasa mcm nk serah diri je. Mana tau, dgn Pitocin, sempat lahir aritu jugak…gerak dr umah, singgah umah babysitter nurin, nk pass extra baju n diapers. Peluk cium dia yg tgh tdo..sayu…singgah petronas, beli ice cream

sempat menikmati ice-cream top ten RM1.50..favourite nih.

• 4.30pm – singgah Shaklee tmn molek, beli supplements utk pantang. Zinc, Vit B, Vit C, Vitalea and Ostematrix.

• 5pm – sampai PAC HSI. Btau turun tanda. Yg ade hanyalah 2 houseman girls. a Chinese and a malay. The Chinese did VE on me, turns out baru 1-2 cm. dia suruh balik. I tanye, u tak buat CTG ke? And she replied, Perlu ke? I said, I demand for it. Turns out, CTG x cntik. Baby Sleeping pattern katenye. Berkali2 nurse betolkan kedudukan CTG tu. Kebetulan a MO lalu my bed, saw my CTG, and scream “who attend this patient??” berlari the Chinese girl to me. I masih igt the ayat the MO marah kan the HO.. “Didn’t u look at the CTG? I said ARM now! Now means now!!! In two minutes, if she’s not in the labour room, anything happens to her, u answer!” peghhhh..terkujat makcik sbb masa tu tgh berangan, kalau betul kene blk, dh plan nk ajak hubster singgah mcd, beli Prosperity burger. Punah lah harapan…kalau dh masuk labour room, mmg xdptlah nk mkn…masa kena tolak dgn wheelchair, I was so blur..ARM tu ape? Tanya attendant yg tolak tu, rupenya pecahkan ketuban…erk?! Mmg tak gentle langsung la birthing aku kali ni

• 6.15pm – the MO pecahkan ketuban. Tak sakit, tp sgt tak selasa sbb dia mcm rodok2 benda panjang tu. Yg I pulak terkemut, maka susahlah dia nk buat. Tetiba, gushhhhh…air panas mencurah…lega, x sakit….dia siap pesan, u rest kejap, around 7 start Pitocin which means contraction mmg akan kuat selepas tu. He did VE, 3 cm.

• 7.15pm – start Pitocin

in labour room. selepas air ketuban dipecahkan and on pitocin

• 8.15 pm – 4cm. contractions 2 in 10. Masih boleh handle. Masih boleh berbual dgn hubster.

• 9.30 pm - the CTG shows that my baby is distress tp I x rase pape pon. so i have to wear the oxygen tube. rimas gak bende tu. but for my baby's sake, redha...

• 10-12 pm – sakit yg maha sakit…no progress in my dilation. Mcm tak consistent dgn contraction yg maha hebat tu..sampai 100++ reading bile skt tu…by then, I already maxed out on Pitocin dosage. I asked them to call Dato’ Ghazali for advice. He advised to increase sikit lg and monitor. C-Sec should be under consideration by now. oh oh...I really hate the ethonox gas...i xnk, tp midwife tu sibuk suruh pakai to help ease the pain. masalahnye, it doesnt help at all. n dh tau bnd akan buat I ngantok. kang kalo ngantok, i bertambah cranky. tp hubster pujuk gak mintak ikut ckp midwife...i sedut gak, tp kekadang saje sedut tipu2, takut sgt ngantok...

in between contractions. sbg kenangan.


Jan 4, 2014 - Saturday

• 1.30 am – sakitnye Ya Allah…segala breathing technique I dah apply. Nothing helps anymore. Asked for VE, turns out, 5cm!!!! 1 cm je gerak in 5 freaking hours???!!! Another doc came in and mention, “Lets hope for a miracle”. Dengar je perkataan miracle, I teringat something. Kertas doa (selusuh) yg my dad buatkan for me. I was holding on to it since smpai hospital. Tp masa tgh dok sakit2 around 9pm, the kertas jatuh on the floor and hubster put it away in my bag. Terus I mintak kertas tu, and hold on to it.

• 1.50 am – hubster mintak izin nk turun minum sbb x mkn or minum pape sejak maghrib. I said NO! he said kejap je, sempat punye sbb I baru 5cm. but still, I x bg. kejam, tp motherly instinct ni.

• 1.56 am – rase mcm nk terberak sesangat. Mintak midwife buat VE. She refused, saying doc bru je buat 20 minutes ago. I siap merayu kt dia, please….I tak tahan sgt ni…I nk teran dah….seeing my face, dia buat jugak. And Alhamdulillah, maha kuasa Allah, I dah full dilate! 5 cm of progress in 30 minutes! Sama mcm kes nurin dulu, beria lah I kena kemut tahan, sbb nk tunggu midwife setup barang.

• 1.58 am – midwife request nk buat episiotomy?! Hello!!! I blom try push lg u dah nk potong??? I said No!!! dia kata saya kena buat, nnt baby susah nk keluar. I said No! I boleh!! Beria aku buat perineal massage oih! Unfortunately, I did not inform and educate hubster on this, maka he gave his consent. Next second, zappp, bunyi gunting. Sigh………lesson learnt here

• 1.59 am – dgn sekali push, keluar kepala. Next push, lahirlah anak kedua kami. Alhamdulillah. Hilang segala rasa sakit yg berejam tu. Mcm magic! Syukur jugak, kali ni, hubster dpt witness everything. I terus bukak butang baju, and they placed him on my chest. Tried to bf him, tp dia xnk sedut…jilat2 je…xpelah dik…at least dpt jugak skin to skin…

Ayyash Az-Zidane bin Mohd Afiq
2.75 kg, 50cm
Jan 4, 2014 1.59 am
SVD

terserlah kelonjongan kepala hasil teran sebelum masa


selepas first poo dibersihkan


our first 'decent' picture together.

Mungkin sbb both my kids are born petite, so mmg senang nk teran keluar. Infact, senang sgt. Itu bahagian I. seksa menahan contraction yg lama, tp dipermudah saat melahirkan.

Apepon, syukur sgt2...serik? mcm x je...hikhikhik.


Thursday, January 2, 2014

Mama


Alhamdulillah, dah masuk 2014. dh 39 weeks pon kandunganku ini...melepasi gestational age kakak Nurin yg lahir 37w3d dulu...

Smlm g gcheckup, uncle li kate In shaa Allah, baby besar sikit dr kakak yg kecik je lahir dulu at 2.39kg... dh melepasi 2014, i really do hope baby akan lahir soon sbb cam dh malas nk g keje n x larat nk ngusung perut and susah nk tidur lately ni. to be precise, mmg harap sgt akan lahir esok, 3 Jan 2014. sebab esok jumaat, and esok 1 RabiulAwal n 3hb is birth date Nurin and I...

makin nk melahirkan, ingatan kat mama makin kuat. tiap kali jugak terigt ttg my post kt fb recently...

komen mama tu buat I nangis teresak2 bile first time baca...yes...she has always been there for me throughout the important events in my life...except during labour. *nangissss*

siapa yg tau, tau lah. my mom sakit yg tak sakit. she cant walk, but she is not in pain. xnk citer lebih2...ni pon cam dh sebak, sbb igt mama...lately ni pon, bile g umah diorg masa wiken, bile nk gerak blk, mesti rasa sayu bile salam mama..I sometimes secretly wish that 1 day, mama boleh berjalan semula. Amin.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

11.12.13 ~ 3 years

Semalam 11.12.13, hari ulangtahun perkahwinan kami ke-3…Alhamdulillah

Masih baru, masih byk benda yg kena blaja, masih byk ruang perlu dibaiki…We learnt from each other everyday. Tipu la kalau xde selisih faham, gaduh2 manja…in fact, bile gaduh2 tu la u know more about your partner…and bile baru berbaik semula, tu yg best!tetibe memasing jadi extra romantic…pendek kata, if u ask me, gaduh2 manja tu perlu dalam perkahwinan. Kalau x, hidup ni mcm terlalu monotonous. Hikhik.

Alhamdulillah, semlm, genap jugak baby adik 36 weeks @ 9 bulan. 1 more week to term. 10 more days kalau dia lahir sama umur mcm kakak. Nervous. Tapi, last Tuesday, my company ade wat communication session dgn employees on the revised benefits for 2014. One of it was, maternity leave akan ditambah dari 60 hari, ke 90 hari effective 1 Jan 2014. Huwaghhhhhh… my EDD is Jan 8, 2014. Dalam hati dupdap dupdap…dpt ke tidak baby adik tunggu smpai at least 39 weeks eh? Marilah kite sama2 berdoa anak kami akan bertahan sehingga sekurang2nye 39 minggu. Amin.

Berbalik cerita anniversary, we both took a day off, hoping to spend some quality time with each other. In shaa Allah, lepas ni, every year, ini akan jadi routine kami. Masa first year, mmg kebetulan anniversary hari Ahad, so gi hi-tea buffet kt Paragon hotel je..Nurin pon baru 2 bln masa tu..so xde la nk merendek tak tentu pasal…ngulit anak lg best kot…huhuhuhu…thn lepas lak, on weekdays, Selasa tak silap…last minute I ade bende urgent kena settle kt ofis, so masuk keje pg tu, tghari, amik half day, amik Nurin, we went for buffet-lunch at KSL, and shopping spree…

Tapi tahun ni, I told my husband, lets spend some time just the two of us. Tinggalkan Nurin kt Babysitter… He doesn’t like the idea at first, but I don’t care. I want him for myself. Just for one day. Selfish? X sayang anak? Jgn la ckp mcm tu… We parents, do need some time alone, to bring back the sparks in our marriage. Sehari je, working hours lak tu…so mcm no difference pon pd Nurin.

Pagi tu hantar dia, she was chirpy and bubbly..Mama pon happy je. Tapi abah rasa sayu masa nk drive off from babysitter’s house sambil tgk Nurin dok melambai bye2 kt kitorg…hukhuk…dia jarang dpt moment tu sbb selalu, hari2 mmg I je yg hntr Nurin..so I biasa je…Abah je emo lebih. -__-

First, we went for my antenatal checkup kt KK Masai. Oh yes, last week, on Wednesday morning, my car kene langgar from the back at the traffic light. Kete belakang tu menggelongsor kot. I was driving, so baby bump terlanggar stereng. Maka MC dua hari sbb BP naik n badan sakit2…nothing serious…kete pon xde pape, takat huruf U kt plat blkg, patah sikit. So tu yg kene wat follow up after a week…KK kan…biasa la…amik masa skit…pung pang pung pang, kol 10 baru settle dari kol 8…ni first time jugak husband teman I checkup kt KK…selama ni I pergi sorg…

Settle checkup, we went to City Square…selama ni I dh berangan nk try buffet kt Renaissance on anniversary..siap dh call n buat reservation…tp bile pikir2 balik, nk tunggu buffet lunch, kol 12, masa tu baru kol 10, ape nk buat tunggu 2 jam kan? Nk balik, n kluar balik? Mmg tak.Tetibe husband mengutarakan keinginan dia yg dh lama nk mkn kt Seoul Garden. So ke City Square la..sbb boleh tgk movie skali…

Sampai, ard 11, buffet lunch start at 11.30…so jalan2 dulu, beli roti utk alas perut, sbb mmg tak mkn lgsg dr pg…beli tiket wayang, smbil jln, asik la dok crita pasal Nurin….haihhh…tu la kan…dh jd mak pak ni, our life asik kaitan anak je…sikit2 anak. Nk beli pape pon igt anak. Smpai tgk movie pon ade kaitan pasal anak. Kitorg tgk cite Homefront. Siapa yg dh tgk tu, tahu lah… 

Habis movie, ard 3 plus, jalan kejap, terus balik. Tu je la celebration kali ni…perut dh 9 months kan…nk jalan sgt pon x larat…nmpak simple, lunch and watch movie. Tp dh cukup utk kami, given my condition. Yg penting, moment tu. Sepanjang jln2 tu pon, husband dok pimpin tgn I…tak tahu lah sbb I ni jln lmbt sgt, or he’s just being romantic. Either way, I’m feeling loved.

Tapi tahun depan, In shaa Allah, ade rezeki and peluang, I dh usulkan nk pegi USS…Spore je…balik hari pon boleh kan…I loveeeee theme parks…nk sgt pergi…masa USS baru bukak, kiorg tgh prep nk kahwin…so xde bajet nk pegi…then I got pregnant. Lagi la x leh pegi…rugi je…selama ni tak terpikir nk pegi berdua je sbb x terpikir nk tinggalkn Nurin. We thot we could wait smpai dia besar skit, n dia dh boleh enjoy the rides, baru rase berbaloi…tp ni dh expecting a second one, I told my husband, wutdeheck…I nak jugak pergi. I cant wait till our second one dh besar baru nk pergi…lama lagi tu…mahu lagi 3 to 4 yrs…kang keluar lak yg ke-3, tangguh lagi? Hukhuk…kang I plak yg dh tua, tak dpt nk enjoy the rides. Huhuhu…



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