the day I've been told

to keep a record of any changes I went through
even the slightest ones

just got in to work
took half day off
went to clinic for appointment
wasnt due until this friday
but things got worsen last night
while taking care of mama
its throbbing, like REALLY throbbing
mama mkn tomyam, i yang rase loya tp xde bende nk muntah
as i langsung takde selera nk makan the whole day

mama soh baring kt katil dia
we talked
i ended up crying silently
she didnt know i was crying until i got up and.... fell
yeap, i slip down the bed
i kinda lost my balance to stand

mama saw the tear in my eyes
she started to cry as well
she's worried bout me
i can see that
while i'm worried about her

she urut pelan2 cos tgn dia ade IV
so xleh kuat sgt
i didnt feel anything pon
but I didnt mumble a word
the touch of her hand just soothe em
and of course, each time they got off, a few strands of hair been caught
* more sighs *
walau the throbbing got worse, i silently tahan
telling myself, not another tear! her BP will go up to see those
i did it

once i got in the car,
I cried and cried and cried
like no tomorrow
I started to think, What if there is NO tomorrow for me? What will happen to her?
I pray to have more days and strength, to take care of her
for myself, just to get home safe n sound

so this morning,
went there
usual routine
2 hours felt like 2 years
they decided to refer me to the specialist
there you go. Finally!
from now on, I have to record down every single changes I had

Silently, I prayed, I am blessed with whatever I had
just that, for all the tests, please show me the way out....
Please....

And this, was last week
12 Mar