My personal take on breastfeeding

Here’s the thing. Breastfeeding is not easy. Sumpah. Setiap ibu mengalami pelbagai masalah yg berbeza, even for different child. To all mommy-to-be, mmg bagus utk berazam nk fully breastfeed your baby. BUT, do spare yourself for some disappointment. Jgn jd mcm I. I fly way too high that when I fall, I fell hard. Menjunam.


No Milk From Day One
Its true that every mommy’s milk production is different. And tak semua mommy dpt hasilkan susu right from the beginning. I wasn’t aware of this. Sepanjang² waktu mengandung, dok igtkn diri, nk fully bf…nk fully bf…tp realitinya, susu (colostrum) hanya keluar pd hari ke-3 (or ke-4 tak igt dh)….so I was so frustrated and depressed . I cried and cried coz rasa mcm total failure sbb tak dpt nk feed my (hungry) baby (nasib tak meroyan).. No one told me that it was normal, especially for a first time mom. Yang I dok disogokkan (by MIL and an aunt) is, kata² “dulu XXX punye susu mencurah² lepas bersalin…baju semua habis basah…ni farah mmg takde susu la ni…pakai susu tepung je lah”…

Mind you, dgn aku yg masih lagi sakit, tp masih determine nk bf kn baby, ko sogok kata² mcm tu…mmg double depressed la kan…hasil pujukan suami, I pasrah Nurin was on Enfalac A+ for the first few days, smpai la I dpt expressed out my colostrums. Walau sikit, I tau it has all the best nutrition for my newborn baby.

Baby refuses to latch/direct feed
Bile susu dh mule flow, I was excited, and sgt tak sabar nk merasai nikmat ‘the-only-mommy-and-baby-bonding moments’…and yes, after few days of bottle-fed, baby got used to the easy way, when she don’t have to ‘berusaha lebih’ while bottle-fed. Nk latch pon tak lepas, mcm mane dia nk suckle kan? And that’s when she cried mcm kena dera x dpt mkn 10 hari….I tried and tried, but she just refuse…kekadang I rasa mesti dia igt I ni hantu, sbb mmg melalak habis tiap kali I sua mrsB. So we settled with bottle fed, throughout my confinement days…mmg double effort la kan…FYI, for the first 2 months, baby tends to drink 2 hourly…as for my baby, 2 oz on each feeding…sometimes, more….

But syukur Alhamdulillah, coming to 2 months, after much effort, determination and patience, baby slowly accept mrsB…it upon atas nasihat and guidance from Kak Didi (my cousin)…she’s a mother of 5 girls. Fully breastfed all her girls right up to 2 yrs++…I was motivated. Hence, the result.


Sore/Cracked/Bleeding/ Nipple
One thing about direct feeding yg buat I sgt berkira² nk teruskan is bile my nipples cracked and sgt² sakit. Sumpah sakit. Each time after feed, akan rasa sakit…kalau nipple bergeser dgn baju, mmg pedih gile. That’s y I never live without a bra sejak labour selain masa mandi laaaa…tu baru sore…bile the soreness tak dpt fully recovered before the next feeding, and I paksa jugak diri walau terpaksa menanggung such excruciating pain, maka terjadilah cracked nipples….I am and avid user of Medela Purelan cream…It does help, but sometimes, the pain remains. Kalau tgk physically, mmg takde pape. Tp bile once baby suckle, aduhai….rasa cam nk menjerit on top of my lungs. Sumpah pedih and sakit.

I asked around. Tp no one experience the same as I did. Infact, most bf mommies enjoyed direct feeding their baby. Takde pon sakit² ni semua. I pujuk diri sendiri, maybe I am the ‘chosen one’. Mungkin I barely face any other kesulitan dlm hal lain, tp in bf, Allah uji.

Ade sekali tu, after I fed my baby, I terlupa nk burp kan dia…I immediately dukung dia, and tetiba, masa tgh jalan tu, ternampak ade somewhat like cecair kaler pinkish on the floors. Lama gak I pikir ape mende tu, n tetibe ternampak the excat same thing kat dagu baby…its her muntah….tp kenapa kaler pink? I quickly check mrsB, ade blood stain on my bra…rupenya, baby dh tertelan darah…since then, I made a point to check my milk masa feed her, especially bile rasa terlampau sakit.

But as time flies, such pain dh makin kurang. Sama ade mmg dah tak sakit, or I sendiri dh makin lali n kuat utk tahan kesakitan tu…unfortunately, the pain does not disappear completely…kekadang tu, sakit gak…tp boleh dikira la bape kali…Alhamdulillah, kalau tak sakit tu, mmg I enjoy sgt DF my baby…


Mastitis
Masa dlm pantang, hari ke-7, I merasa kena bengkak susu…I rasa mrsB kanan berat tp tak keras mcm batu…and bile pump, tak keluar sgt…and I realized, a part of mrsB kanan, dh merah…dgn tgh demam menggigil, kt klinik, doc said I dh kena Mastitis…I was prescribed with antibiotics, after 5 days, baru baik.
And again early feb, I kena lagi…sakit breast + high fever + menggigil, maka Mastitis. This time, it was so severe, smpai kena blood infection….and I was hospitalized for 5 days.

Unstable Milk Production
Bile dah demam menggigil, its either you tak larat nk pegang and bf ur baby, or ur milk production decreases. As for me, both. Masa dlm tempoh 5 hari tu, demam menggigil tu bukan lah 24 jam…ade masa, my temp turun, and I larat nk bf/pump….makanya, bile I tgh tak larat n gigil tu, baby will be bottle-fed…lama², I ran out of ebm stock. Stock frozen yg tak berapa byk t upon terpaksa diguna…bila dh habis, terpaksa la supplement dgn FM…

And since the second episode of Mastitis, I struggled to keep up with baby’s demand…My supply is not enough to meet her demand…kekadang cukup² makan, kekadang mmg tak cukup. I started to stressed out.

Tau je la…kalau kita stress, susu pon akan segan² nk keluar…and it hit me. I tried my best not stressed out…tp bile balik kerja, dgn barely 15oz of milk in my cooler bag, I sedih. I ngadu kt hubs…it was kind of him, to say its, ok….I did tried my very best…tp kalau ini takdir Allah, kami perlu redha…afterall, there’s always FM…and so far, baby has no problem consuming either milk.

Since then, I felt much better…tiap kali I nk stress pasal susu kurang, cepat² I igtkan myself, there’s always FM…and syukur Alhamdulillah, slowly, my milk production makin bertambah…takde lah sampai melimpah ruah….tp cukup utk I katakan, I dpt keep 1 feed worth as frozen ebm…slowly, I mula keep stock…unlike sebelum ni, kais hari ni, minum esok. Tp such yield taklah diperolehi every single days. There are still days where my yield kurang. Tp as I mention earlier, jgn stress out yourself. Fikir kan benda positif. InsyaAllah.


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So bottom line, what I’m trying to say is, it is good to hope for the best. Tapi always keep your feet grounded. Tak semua yg kita mahukan, kita dapat. Kita doa, usaha dan tawakal. The rest, let Him decide. And kita, redha.

As for me, mengingatkan diri yg feeding my baby with FM doesn’t make me a terrible mom, works. Rezeki orang, lain². Igt tu…yg exclusively bf mom, jgn lah pandang rendah pada mommies yg bg baby mereka FM…takde mommy yg taknak beri yg terbaik kpd baby mereka. We didn’t know what kind of hurdles they went through. So, don’t judge.


Entry diakhiri dgn a pic baby yg akan menginjak ke 5 bulan esok (Mar 3, 2012) yang minum susu ibu ¾ penuh