my-so-called-'to whom it may concern'

dear K,
Im sorry for the things I've done.Im terribly sorry for making things so so so much difficult for you.I jus want you to know, it was never my intentions to hurt you in anyway. No matter how many times you said all those bad words, or how hard you tried to push me away far from your sight, or how you tried to ignore me and deny my attention, i will always, and ALWAYS regard you as a part of me that i can't live without. There's nothing that can change the fact that you're apart of me and I'm glad to say you ARE. I love you too much that it hurts me so bad to see all this happen to us. How I wish I could turn back time, and live at the moment when you always cared for me.We are humans. we live with selected memories. we can choose to remember the good fond ones, or the haunting ones.as for me, i chose to tag along the good ones with me. those memories are all I ever need to keep me standing, tall(short for me).and i really missed those times we used to share together K....I really do.
Just so you know, i did try to tell you something this morning, something that i need to share with someone badly, someone that i trust, and i chose you! why? because there's no way i can tell M bout it cos this will weaken her and thus put her in a major misery(which i totally dont want that to happen). I cant tell A because this is the last thing A needs. Its enuf that M is in such condition, I dont want A to worried bout me. I can tell G, but I want you. I need you.badly.I dont need your sympathy.I dont need anyone to have any sympathetic look when they look at me. I just wanted to tell because i need to. If ever one fine day comes and something happen to me, i want at least someone close to me, to know what actually happened, and calmly, console the rest, and explain everything about it. I know its complicated, but one day, everything will be vivid. but still, i hope, i pray, that day will never come. i hope.

Truly Sorry,
Effs