Unwell and Moved Out!

I was unwell since the last post
nampaknya, bukan Nurin shj yg suka main Peek-A-Boo dgn I
Mastitis too!!!

bermula dgn kiri, bhgn atas - surut on wed
beralih ke bhgn bawah, masih pd mrs B kiri - surut on friday
igt dh ok

tetibe selasa, kene belah kanan pulak
demam, tak usah cerita laaaa
dan dan bengkak, dan dan la temp tak pernah bawah 38 deg
kekadang smpai menggigil

so dekat 2 minggu ni,
I totally relied on painkillers and antibiotik yg sebeban tu
dh 3 jenis antibiotik i telan (sbb 3 kali jumpe doc)

the last one, baru jumpe gynae
doc siap scan mrs b
takut ade puss or whatsoever
syukur, semua clear

Alhamdulillah, I felt at my best today
walau last night taktidur nyenyak
coz Nurin agak renyah, I felt good waking up this morning
dh 2 minggu kot dok demam tak abis2
rasa loser gile sbb tak dpt nk jaga Nurin sgt
hanay attend dia bile dia lapar je
kalau x, mmg hubs or sesiapa je yg ade berhampiran lah yg jadi 'dayang' Nurin

oh yes, we finally moved out last monday
exactly on the Lunar New Year
Alhamdulillah, everything went well
adik beradik hubs byk membantu
Nurin, awal² I dh pass ke MIL utk jaga
so that I can help while we move out too

so far, tinggal di rumah baru, I masih rasa janggal
seumur hidup, tak pernah duduk rumah 2 tingkat
tak pernah duduk rumah corner lot
yg tingkapnye banyak!

dh la I ni jenis pump tgh mlm,
nk tak nak, kena la turun utk simpan the EBM
tu yg I lemah
coz, I ni PENAKUT tahap gaban
sbb bilik I pernah dimasuki pencuri masa kt UM dulu
India tu siap tepuk² tangan I suruh tidur balik lagi
tu yg sampai skrg, I trauma tahap asik terbayang² ade org masuk umah
or ade org perhatikan I dr luar
seram!

I know, eventually I have to get used to it
buat masa ni, hubs sgt membantu
kalau I kena turun, he will tag along
just for the sake of making me feel secured

most of the time, we stayed in our room
TV pon dlm bilik
kat bwh xde TV pon
blom amik kt umah mama
so org dtg, mmg tgk dinding je la jwabnye...miahahah

eh eh...TV tu pon takde siaran
baru kelmarin hubs beli Antenna yg indoor berharga 5.90 kt tesco
bersungguh dia pasang
tp yg dapat, hanyalah siaran Spore
Channel Msia, satu pon tak dpt

nk pasang aerial yg atas bumbung tu,
takde satu pon kedai lektrik area Masai ni yg dh bukak as for semlam
so buat masa ni, redha je lah
Astro, baru daftar smlm
tu pon daftar dgn dealer yg ade bukak booth kt Tesco
tu pon katanya, lg 10 hari baru pasang
nampaknye, kena cari port utk tgk AJL

ape lagi nk cerita eh
byk...
tp nnt2 la eh

ni pon update kt ofis
tenet kt umah tak dpt!
P1 langsung takde signal kt umah tu
menci betol!
so terpaksa tanya jiran² diorg pakai ape...

Mastitis

I'm having another fair share of mastitis
after the first one which was 9 days after labour

it all started on sunday night
tgh tidur tu, tetibe rasa mcm tgn kiri agak susah nk gerak
at d same time, terasa mrs b kiri cam berat
I dunno y I didnt wake nurin up to feed her
but i get up, and express milk at 3.30am
unfortunately, hasil x berapa memberansangkan

felt tired and exhausted, I slept in
and bear with the pain
masa ni tak skt sgt lagi

so monday tu, gi keje dgn rasa tidak selesa pd mrs b kiri
tp x sesakit masa yg kena dlm pantang dulu
so terus kan keje
sempat jumpe doc kt kilang
and he prescribed me with painkillers and antibiotics
terus ilang sakit bile mkn ubt

but the thing is, the lump, masih terasa
mmg kompem ade clogged milk duct nih
dh try urut, tp x jln
bile pump, susu yg dihasilkan, mmg kurang dr biasa
tp masih ok

monday night, mule menggigil
demam tahap dewa dewi
jejak 39.8 degrees
nk pegang hp, text bos nk btau MC pon xdpt

masa MC tu, I slept straight dr kol 1.45 smpai kol 7
punye la pengsan
eh. tp x pengsan sgt
sbb kekdang tu gigil
solat asar pon kol 7
nasib baik maghrib masuk lambat skrg

now, demam dh surut
tp mrs b kiri, masih belom back to normal
ade lump pd pangkal mrs b kiri

now Im not sure is it becoz of clogged milk duct
or ade clogged pd nipple
sbb sejak isnin, bile nurin df, she takes longer utk kenyang
selalunya, dia cuma df 5-10 mins max
tp skrg, dekat setgh jam....
mcm x kenyang2
nmpak dia mcm struggle skit masa hisap tu

nk jumpe gynae,
I'm pretty sure, the same advice yg i akan dpt
which is frequent nurse
plus, malas sebenarnya nk g hospital

tp yg teramat2 merunsingkan,
hasil ebm yg I dpt hasilkan for a day, drop 50%!!!!!
sedih sgt.....
nasi baik mmg ade stok lebih skit
so boleh cover
tapi tu cume oleh tahan berapa hari je

haih
pening
dh la sakit, susu lak merudum
maybe nk kena panggil org urut
tgk camne nnt

Langsir oh! Langsir

3 Sliding door
10 tingkap
amekausiapadapattolongkaujahitdalammasasebulan?!!!!

adoiyaiiiii
nak pindah secepat mungkin
infact, by the end of this month
sbb dh bg notis pd tuan rumah yg skrg ni

tapi, rumah baru tu masih dlm keadaan 'bogel'
baru terhegeh² nk beli kain and mintak org jahit
yg sliding tu i tak risau sgt cos design yg weols nk is a very simple one
just ade day and night (or maybe night sahaja coz cermin dh tinted kan) curtain
and jahit straight je takde ropol scallop jurai or whatsoever.
so yg ni i yakin mokteh can pull it off
infact, kalau belum ade baby, i yakin i boleh jahit sendiri
hey hey...saya pernah jahit langsir utk mama's house tau! ecececece
tapi mungkin x sekemas pro laaaa...hihihi

btw, yg agak merisaukan is the 10 tingkap
4 tingkap 2 panel
and 6 tingkap 1 panel

yg 1 panel ni la yg agak gonjeng
sbb kalau nk go for the normal straight design,
i rase dia akan jadi agak gonjeng

so after much deliberation,
i opt for the 'bidai' design
yg mcm ni

yg ni i'm not sure mokteh boleh buat tak

so I'm thinking of nk cari tukang jahit yg pro utk buatkan
satu hal lak nk scout for it
ade try cari o9
ade jumpe a few
tp not sure la can be trusted tak

tgk la nnt cmne
skrg pon tgh shortlist mover
dh ade yg cam ok
tp masih lom kompemkan lg


adoiyainyepun!


p/s: pindah adelah memenatkan! sdg mencari mover jugak! adoiyai nye pun! 

Numb

I wish I can be numb

numb to all negative reactions

numb from getting hurt

numb to any rejections

numb from being misjudged

numb to all the pain in the world

numb from getting heart-broken

numb to all hurtful words

at the end of the day

I'm just human

with feelings

and tears that came along

I may appeared numb to you

but deep in me,

I'm falling apart

into pieces

as I forced myself to be numb,

those pieces became even more little pieces

I'm afraid,

comes one day

there are no little pieces left to be shredded

and when it happens,

there' nothing left,

except to bid, Goodbye.

p/s: calar di lengan, orang tahu, calar di hati....simpan sendiri.

Of 2 months

dh lambat
dh nk masuk 3 months pon
tp bende ni mmg dh lama dlm draft
cume ntah nape, x siap²

*************************************

dear my child, Nurin Balqis Mohd Afiq,
as u turned 2 months,

u sleep better on ur tummy. Initially we planned to let u sleep on ur tummy only during ur day naps, n on ur back at night. However u tends to get startled very easily while u sleep on ur back. to swaddle u up is not even a choice, as u'll get mad once we tied u up.

• u can turn ur head to left and right while sleeping. sometimes, u even kept on turning ur head left n right several times when we put u down to sleep, before u eventually find a (nice) spot to land ur chubby cheek on. and mama find this particular habit of urs, very cute!
• u went bald at 1m7d. we kept procrastinating on this particular thing as we're all afraid that it'll hurt u. and mama worried that u'll look 'weird' with a bald head. but boy, i was wrong! u looked even much cuter aftermath!

before

after
• u started to coo!!! Allah knows how long I've been waiting for this moment to arrive. it may not even sound like any words that we could find in the dictionary, but it sure landed on the soft spot in mama's heart. However, u did not coo too many times. just when u felt to do so. and I'm honoured to be the first to witnessed it
• u can now bare ur weight with ur two strong legs, each time we held u upright. Sometimes u get furious when we put u down, and calmed when we let u stand (with us holding u upright)
• u've been loving ur bathing time since u were born, darling. u kicked and slapped ur cute little arms profusely while in the tub filled with lukewarm water. btw, u hate tap water! u'll scream on top of ur lungs when i tried to bath u with normal temp water.
• u now love being clothes-less. everytime before bath time, I let u get loose with only ur diaper on. u no more cried each time we undress/dressed u up.

• u can now coordinate sound. u'll turn to the direction where the sound came from. we love to entertain u with the sound of the rattle. however, after 2 minutes, it seems like we're entertaining ourselves as u already got bored by then.
• ur sight is still pretty much blurry. we never got tired of testing ur sight everyday by moving certain object in front of u. u usually just stared blankly to whatever u're looking at. i guess at this stage, u react more to sounds.
• u have this particular (cute) reaction everytime u pooped! u'll 'kembangkan' ur nose and grin (with lips shut together) on each attempt of pushing out ur stool. those reactions are certainly too cute that I never failed to laugh. and dear, once u're done, u'll be 'tersandar kelegaan'...hihihi

ur 'meneran' face! lol!!!!

• ur daily activities and nap scheduled vary from day to day. and yeah baby, u still wakes up 2 hourly at night for milk and sometimes to poop.
• unfortunately, u have colic on some days...about twice a week. and when u had one, u cried like nobody's business till u went all red and it hurts me so to see u suffer. sometimes u totally refuse milk, while most of the time, u kept on sucking each time I try to feed u. til u got overdose. and u vomitted it out. there was one time, it was too much, that it even cam out of ur nostril. pity baby. I found out that the yuyi ointment is not good enough for u. Minyak Herba NR works better.

• I'm sorry dear, but as for now, u're still pretty much relying on FM...u'd love to df from mama, but sometimes, the pain is way beyond my threshold that I gave up (I'm sorry). If there are ebm in the fridge, we'll feed u with those. or else, FM it is. :(

our first ever NIP (Nursing in Public) at KK

I'm glad u could accept the bottle

• u love going out! ur debut was to JJ Tebrau when u were 1m17d. though u are pretty much sleepy, u kept holding on with eyes wide open. I guess u r so curious on where u r at as it sounds so different.

• and just for the record, as u hit 2 months 5 days u weighed 5kg (u've doubled up ur initial weight!) and u're such a cute, strong, and Alhamdulillah, healthy baby.

when u were 1 month - 3.75kg

2 months! - 5kg

• u cried for 5 seconds when u got ur 2nd months jab. strong baby!

consoled by abah before ur 2nd months jab

Monday Morning Motherhood Mishaps

what a jerky start I had for this week

it was raining this morning
i find myself kept on snoozing the alarm which rang at 5.45 am
while 'tidur2 ayam', i contemplate whether i should wake up early to express milk
or just sleep in till 6.30 and just forget about pumping
and I decided on the later

so as I woke up, it was already 6.40
I jumped off bed, thinking "shait! my boobs are full and we're heck late!"
quickly I had my shower,
woke dear hubs up
and kept on reminding him to have a quick shower
as I prep up myself, Nurin's stuff, and my breastpump

by 7.05am, we're out
it was drizzling
dear Nurin was not in her best morning mood unlike other days
she was restless

luckily hubs carpooled with us
so I could calm her while hubs drove
and that was when I realized,
I did not packed Nurin's ebm stock!!!

all I brought was the 3oz that I thawed
and filled in her TT bottle
the rest, still in the freaking fridge!
to survive the whole day with just 3oz of milk???
heck no!

reached mak's place around 7.15
unload her stuff and pass her to mak
and told mak that I forget to bring along her milk supply
so she should just use the FM that we already prepared for her incase of lack of supply
with that, I drove off the driveway

I felt guilty all the way
as I drove, I saw the highway is jam as usual
and I'm thinking, "What the heck! I'll be late anyway!"

make a u-turn, went back to our place
quickly parked the car, get to the lift, enter our home,
grab the 4 bottles of ebm in the fridge
safely keep it in JJ Weekenders cooler tote
locked the door and grill, went down the lift
and off I went back to the car
all in 5 minutes

drove back to mak's
she was surprised to see me
transfered all the ebm into her fridge
give a huge kiss to the little one, and whisper 'sorry' to her ear,
and off to workplace

it was 8.28 when I scanned in
NVM, I can always replace the lost hour to OT on any of the days
but I should never thought of taking the easy way out,
by giving my dear daughter FM
when I still have enough supply for her
(read: It would be a different story if I dont have any stock of ebm)

Yeap. I felt guilty for even having those thoughts
I even slapped myself (twice) as a punishment (yeap. to that extend.)
but I'm glad and relieved that reality hits me at the right time

to exclusively bf ur child is definitely not easy
only mommies who experienced it would understand
I, myself, still struggle to exclusively bf my child
I'm still suffering with tormenting sharp pain on the nipple after a few feed session
but the priceless bonding moment that I get each time she needs me (read: milk),
defeats all excruciating pain that I have to endure
knowing that only me, her mother, can experience that moment, is definitely beyond words

unfortunately, while to others,
"why go through so much hassle and pain? there's always the FM!"
again, only we, understand.

1 Year Anniversary

Syukur, Alhamdulillah.