short

Happy Mother's Day

enuf said
xnk type panjang
hanye akan mengundang banjir

tak pernah cukup

how enough is ENOUGH?

one thing for sure,
smlm hanye smpat lelap dlm 1 jam

and hari ni,
mata adelah sgt berat
otak adelah melayang2
badan adelah sgt lesu
lesu????darn!


p/s: i looked like a zombie walking around the hospital. its amazing that my brain can still work fine. I'm amazed by my capability.

Nasib baik mama tak pengsan

the other night (11 Apr 2009),
was a very special night for us
especially for mama

kt masjid ade majlis sambutan maulidurasul
since last week lagi weols mmg dh plan nk g
sebab kt sane, ade surprise utk mama

ayah yg dpt tau
n mama supposed to know as well
tapi ayah decide to keep it as our little secret
just to make it more memorable utk mama

so 4 of us, berjaya menyimpan rahsia tu
n the best part, ayah berjaya menghalang kawan2 mama dr bitau dia
kalau tak, abeslah rancangan kami
dh la mase tu kawan2 dia berduyun dtg umah semata2 nk smpaikan berita tu
tapi ayah sempat 'sound' diorang
nasib mereka paham

so mlm semalam,
masuk je maghrib, kami semua siap
ye, semua
mama pon cam ala2 pelik sbb weols cam smangat nk gi masjid
oh, itu sangat jarang berlaku yea

apepon, by 8, i make sure all of us are ready to go
sbb ayah dh pesan soh dtg b4 isya'
sbb nk 'parking' mama cantik2

malas nk cite pnjg2
majlis pon bermula
oh. ramai yg terperanjat tgk mama dtg
ditemani 3 dayang yang berhias cantik (read: kami) ;P

majlis pon start
bace doa, nasyid, bacaan ayat suci Quran
and the time comes
oh jantung saye adelah berdebar2

tokoh lelaki is jiran umah belakang a.k.a mama's bestfriend (cik norsiah)'s husband
mase pakcik mail amek award, mama dok ngendeng2 kt cik enon yg dok sbelah dia
"sape tokoh pompuan eh??", "mak ani ke?", "kak enon tau sape?"

and then....
"tokoh wanita pula merupakan seorang wanita pertama yang memegang jawatan ketua Hal Ehwal Wanita Anggerik (HEWA) " - mama dh terdiam


"beliau banyak menyumbangkan jasa kepada kelab tetapi tidak dpt meneruskan tugas di atas sebab kesihatan" - muka mama merah gile apetah lagi bile nampak ayah walks towards us
masa tu baru dia sedar, dialah tokoh wanita tahun ni

masa tu, i rasa sebak sgt
especially when hearing the second sentence
sgt menusuk kalbu
because i know how much she wanted to continue being active to make difference to others

tp takdir menentukan segalanya
kudratnye ditarik perlahan2
siapalah kita untuk menghalang kuasaNya
tapi mama redha
sekurang2nye lebih byk masa dpt dihabiskan mengabdikan diri kepadaNya

as ayah push her wheelchair towards the 'stage'
i can see her tears rolled down her cheeks
and i am sure its the 'happy' tears
same mcm tears mase i amek scroll dulu


my hand was trembling mase nk snap picture dia amek 'award' tu
menggigil toksah nk ckp
terlalu terharu
tp dpt la gak capture
cam nyesal gak sebab tak snap bebtol



once she got the 'award'
and pushed back to her space
kawan2 dia mula kerumun dia
saya adelah sgt mellow
lagi skali, menitis air mata sbb terlalu terharu
betapa lah jasa mama dikenang mereka



dah setel, dia cam terdiam
suddenly "nasib baik mama dh mkn ubat. kalau tak, mau pengsan."
rupanya dia adelah sgt terkejut
terkejut smpai darah naik
dia kan ade high blood pressure
adoiyai.

majlis diteruskan ngan ceramah dr ustaz Morsid
ceramah dia mmg best
first time i tak rase boring bile dgr ceramah
tapiiiiiiii...beliau adelah sgt garang
bygkan, dia bole pause ceramah sbb ade budak 2 thn dok lari2 dpan dia
dia adelah sgt marah!
garang betol!

balik tu,
kami masih bercerita ttg surprise tu
mama masih tak percaya weols sembunyikan hal ni dr dia
she did saw/realise the hints
tapi tak dpt tangkap
here are some of the hints:

1. Sebelom ayah bertolak ke masjid, ayah pesan "You pakai cantik2 tau"
2. Kakak beria makeup/touchup kan mama
   
3. Kami beria nk gi cepat2
4. Kami beria suruh mama turun dari keta bila smpai masjid. Ikutkan dia, dia nk dgr ceramah dr dlm kete je.
5. Makcik mariam bisik kt mama "jasamu dikenang" mase salam2 peluk cium mama

and hint yang paling jelas, terang lagi bersuluh,

6. Kakak nak ikut pergi masjid utk attend majlis

ayah siap ckp "kalau tak, u ingat bebudak ni nk pegi ke maulud tu???"
mama's reply was "mane la tau dia dah dpt hidayah...."

erk.erm.huh?
kami terdiam.

anyway,
it may not be as huge as the grammys,
not as popular as the ABP
not as hip as AJL
or whatsoever it is

mama, we're proud of u



p/s: and this is why i tak dapat attend my bestfriend (sharan)'s engagement. Oh I am so happy for you babe!


Yours sincerely,

It happened. Again.

Date: 14 Mar 2009
Time: 1310

Diagnosis: UTI


Note to self: Prepare a list of surgeries and procedures done to avoid repetitive explanation to MOs thus save some time and fasten the first stage.

Emotion: Sad but full of hopes.

Malam Penentu

guys
remember the 'jodoh' thingie????

well, tonight is THE night
around 11 pm I suppose

excited BUT nervous

hopefully everything goes well


seandainya, ini lah penyebabnye, permudahkanlah rawatannye
berilah petunjuk
dan juga seandainye ini bukan 'jodoh' mama,
kami juga berdoa agar Allah
tetapkan iman kami, tabahknlah hati kami sekeluarga menempuhi ujian dari-Nya
walau ape pon ketentuan dari-Nya,
kami redha.....


dariNya kita datang, kepadaNya kita kembali
kami berserah padaMu Ya Allah

akan bertemu JODOH kah???

***for certain reasons, this post is back for view....

no no no no no
Its not about me
but, I'm referring to mama
confuse?
mama kn dh kawen...nk jodoh ape nye lagii????

well.let me get this straight
in terms of jodoh ni, x semestinye jodoh as in pasangan hidup
here, I'm referring to 'penawar'

to those yg pernah bace entry i sblom2 ni
based on pics yg i attach
mesti uols prasan yg mama pakai wheelchair kn
yeap. mama 'sakit'...... tapi tak sakit
confuse again????
well, kalo org sakit, biasenye mesti dia akan rase betol2 sakit kn?
i mean pedih/sengal/bisa/tak leh gerak etc

in mama's case, syukur alhamdulillah,
she didnt feel any pain at all
seriously. xde pedih2/bisa2 n all
its juz that kaki dia berat nk melangkah
tu je. its berat!
thats y she gradually cant walk
when i say gradually, means,
dr jalan mcm biase - pakai payung - tongkat - walker (4 kaki) - wheelchair
n the cronology happens in within 6 years!
sgt perlahan2
click here for the details

last week, a fren (Wong) of mama's fren (mak cik siti),
wong ni ekceli is a muallaf laaa
dtg umah...
mase tu pagi x silap
all i know, around 12.30, mama call
mintak i withdraw a few sum of money,
dia nk pakai urgently katenye
i dh pelik gak

nk pendekkan crite
they came to introduce to mama dgn new treatment la
at first, dlm ati dh terdetik "not another one please...."
mind you, sejak mama sakit ni, mcm2 org yg dtg jumpe dia
introduce tah memacam jenis ubat/treatment
and most of em kalo x berurut, mesti require a huge sum of moolah
i must say, sjak mama sakit ni, ayah did quite a huge sum of investment
macam2 cara weols dh try
so far, xde satu pon yg mengena/sesuai
in fact, ade yg buat keadaan mama makin worst
tapi at least, weols berusaha
bukan hanye berserah bulat2 pade takdir kn
ni semua kuase Allah

back to crite wong,
he came n borak2 ngan mama
mama kate wong takde pon pakse2 atau urge mama utk buat
what he kept on repeating was "ubat ni mahal"
wong siap tunjuk video of testimonial dr his previous 'pesakit'
ade yg takleh gerak, dh boleh gerak
ade yg dulu cacat, tak leh bertutur, skrg dh bole ckp
n u know what, kebykan nye orang kampung!

dari situ la mama terpikir
kalo org kampung sanggup invest
n terserlah yang treatment to bg kesan +ve
why not she give it a go kn
so she wanted to try

ayah, macam i
dia xpercaya at first, takut mcm scam ke hape
apetah lg bende ni involve duit yg agak banyak
tapi bila wong dtg balik ptg tu n he watched the video
he's interested
lagi pon, wong ckp, dia akan keep in touch/jaga mama
smpai mama boleh jalan, insyaAllah

n now, dh seminggu mama try treatment tu
dlm mase seminggu ni, mama just makan ubat yg wong bg
n of cos, ade pantang
takleh mkn kacang, kobis, ntah ape lagi, x ingat lak
so far mama kate ubat tu sedikit sebyk ade effect nye
eg, blood pressure mama nye reading cantik je sjak mkn ubat wong
sebelom ni, kalo dia x mkn ubat dr hospital, reading mesti tinggi
n mama punye urine pon clear je
n mama nk turun naik katil pon dh bole buat sendiri
sebelom ni, mesti kne ade org tolong
Alhamdulillah...

semalam ptg, wong dtg lagi
mmg dh plan, after 1 week mkn ubat,
kene berurut
mase urut tu, wong kate, dia rase panas sgt

again, nk pendekkan crite,
wong kate, there's 'something' has been clinging to mama all this while
wong cube amik gamba mama
katenye, first few attempt, xdpt nk snap
mcm tetibe jek kamera rosak
he tried n tried
got one!
he showed to mama n ayah
mama xnmpak pape,
but ayah kate dia nampak 'something' in between kaki mama
it looks more like a monkey katenye
n ayah kate gile meremang bulu roma dia mase tu
girl xnk tgk, dia takut
nk crite kt i pon dia takut
dia soh mama yg criter

wong kate, mungkin sbb tu la mama susah nk jln
he refer that 'something' as 'budak'
sbb nmpak kecik lagiii katenye
n plus, that 'something' tu pon tumpang mkn....
mama kate patutla mama asek nk makan jek
n most of the time mama asek nk makan coklat la, gula2 laaa
wallahualam....

as i heard all this,
bukan la nk percaye 100%
tp kite mmg patut percaye kewujudan bende2 halus ni
after all, they are makhluk Allah jugak
tapi, mmg logik ok
mama langsung tak rase any pain
just that berat - sbb ade 'budak' tumpang kot

wong kate InsyaAllah dia akan dpt buang bende tu
buat mase ni, dia mintak mama mandi bunga dulu
5 hari x silap
mase mandi tu pon kene ati2, ade pantang nye
yg penting, mama tak leh attend any majlis kawen/tunang/kenduri/cukur jambul dan sewaktu dgnnye
then bile smpai waktu yg 'sesuai', dia akan dtg
n did the ritual of keluarkan 'budak' tu
but since weols nk ke kl utk jemput makteh blk aji next week
those treatment akan postpone smpai dh blk dr kl

mama kate dia terpikir
kot2 la 'budak' tu is arwah adek
dia kate, kalo betol tu arwah adek, dia sayaaaaaannggggg nk kuarkn
bole??????

tp bile pikir balik, rasenye bukan
sbb bak kate wong
mama ade terlanggar something kt laut/sungai lepas pukol 6
mmg betol weols pernah cuti kt PD n mandi laut smpai maghrib
n blk dr situ la mama mule sakit
so agak confident, it IS a 'something'

dulu mama mmg pernah wat ritual buang bende2 halus ni
tapi kate wong, orang yg buat tu, tak 'lock' kn badan mama
tu yg dia dtg balik

n now, all we can do is
berharap, berdoa dan bertawakal kpd Allah
seandainya, ini lah penyebabnye, permudahkanlah rawatannye
berilah petunjuk
dan juga seandainye ini bukan 'jodoh' mama,
kami juga berdoa agar Allah
tetapkan iman kami, tabahknlah hati kami sekeluarga menempuhi ujian dari-Nya
walau ape pon ketentuan dari-Nya,
kami redha.....


p/s: adelah impian ku utk melihat mama berjalan dgn sendiri on my wedding day...will my wish come true???marilah kite berdoa bersame2 yea kawan2...

note: this is back dated entry. wrote on 24 dec.

Mama is back

Mama dh boleh discharge
YEAYYYYY!!!oooppsss.. Alhamdulillah....
jap g nk g amek dia
mengular jap
bagus keje flexible hours ni
bole kuar bebile
tp of cos la pepandai sendiri ganti masa tu balik

the Day mama had her URS

smlm, around 9.45 am,
the ward received a call from the OT
telling the nurse to prepare patient named Rojinah Abd Kadir for opt
mama's bed dkat ngan nurse's counter
so i heard everything

mase tu mama tgh dgr radio thru my phone
she was trying to calm herself down
sbb kol 8, mase cek BP(blood Pressure), its quite high-149/88
so mama risau sgt2
dia dgr radio, dgn harapan dpt kurgkan stress

so, after dpt col dr OT, trus they pass mama a robe
i helped her change
mase tu jelas sgt muka mama worried
dia mcm blur sbb xsangke dia kene masuk OT pagi
dia bajet tghari around 1

baru je pas salin, i ingat bole relek2 jap
sekali tgk org OT dh sorong stretcher
makin cuak la mama
sbb dia xsempat nk compose herself
sume berlaku sekelip mata
tau2 je dia dh kt atas stretcher tu

mama on the stretcher - still at ward

at this moment, she looks so fragile
all this while, she's been very strong
bukanlah dia tak takut pasal surgery tu,
tapi dia mampu control the situation
but at that very moment, she seems lost
mungkin dia belum bersedia

otw to OT

as they push her to the OT at level 1 (the ward is level 2),
I make sure I'm always by her side
holding her hands, never letting it go
assure her that everything will be fine
assure her that I'll be right outside the OT when she's done

mase tu i sorg je ade
ayah suppose to come
patutnye mase nurse nk prepare je, i col n ayah akan dtg
tp the interval between preparing and checking in at the OT was barely a few minutes

Staff OT buat briefing kt mama

sedih sgt rase sbb Im the only one yg hantar mama masuk OT
mase tu dh terpikir
if whatever happens to mama, I'm the last relative who saw her
and I totally have no strength to go through all that alone

sebelum mama btol2 masuk OT, she was parked at the OT bay
kt situ, I kept on telling her that i love her, and i want her to keep her faith in Allah
kita dh berusaha
tp sesungguhnya, Allah yg tentukan segalanye

tepat pukul 10.10, i waved her as she was pushed into the OT
I can see a few tears rolled down her cheek
mine? i wouldnt say a few
it was more like sobbing by then

i was sobbing by now

I cant help myself from the worst case scenario
I cant help from thinking that that might be the last conversation I will ever had with her

however, deep down inside, I wish, I hope, I pray that everything goes well

a few minutes later, baru ayah smpai kt depan OT
ayah nampak terkilan sbb buat sekian kalinye, dia x dpt anta mama ke OT
but I assure him by saying, "Mama kem salam. she loves you.very much"
she did.i did not make it up.
i can see tears building up in his eyes
being a man, he toughen up

while waiting, me n ayah lepak je kt tempat menunggu tu
bosan jugak la
lame gile rasenye
sbb i tau surgery tu makan mase paling2 pon 2 jam jek
tp up to 12 noon, no signs of her

around 1.30, myPerson smpai
he's being so sweet to take half day off to be with us, waiting for mama
i rase terharu sgt bile dia dtg
rase mcm fall in love again jek...ceit.poyo.
he didn't even inform me that he's coming

ttibe je dia col tanye i kt mane
i ckp la kt luar OT
tetibe je dia dh muncul
rase mcm nk peluk je dia time2 tu jugak
tapi kene cover babe
ayah ade kt sblah i ni
he sat next to ayah. kirenye between me n him, ade ayah..hehehe

dia berbual ngan ayah
I continue dgr radio jek
lame gile kitorg melepak kt situ
dh bape kali i ulang alik dpan OT, terjengah2 kot2 dpt nmpak mama

my companion of the day.thanx dear

me n ayah smpai lupe yg kitorg blom lunch
what we know, we dont want to go far from the OT area
sbb xnk mama rase xde org tunggu dia
mase tu dh 2pm
kat luar pulak ujan lebat
last2 kitorg mkn kuih n buah je
jadikla, buat alas perut

while waiting outside OT. mase ni ayah g solat. baru boleh bercintan.skit jek...hehehehe

about 3.30 gitu, baru la mama ditolak kluar
lega rasenye bile nampak mama senyum
Alhamdulillah.syukur.semua berjalan lancar...
lancar ke???not so ok

mama was straight away sent back to her bed kt ward
she seems fine
elok je bole bercakap
mase surgery tu, mama memang x doze off
dia mmg mintak utk bg bius for spinal n below jek
so kirenye dia mmg sedar throughout the 5 hours in OT

her first pose right. she looks fine kan.

mama kate, the surgery mmg kejap jek
tp menunggu yg lame
she's been told that Doctor A yg akan attend her
ok la..mama xkesa jek

sekali mase halfway through, Doctor A kate dia x berani nk buat
sbb katenye, saluran kidney mama tu dh sempit
saluran tu sempit due to the previous 2 URS yg dia pnah buat
fyi, this is the third
so dia x berani

kene tunggu Doctor C
nk tunggu Doctor C tu yang lama
dkat 2 jam mama kate
mama pon dh naik stress for all the waiting
kesian mama

tp apepon, ok la
alhamdulillah
yg penting mama ok

after tgk mama dh baring n dgr citer2 mama sume
ayah pon balik
sbb nk amik girl
girl yg akan jage mama mlm tu

tinggal la i n myPerson jage mama
I'm glad he's there with me
mama pon x sangke dia dtg
dia pon terperanjat tgk bile kuar OT je nmpak myPerson ade sekali

mama n him.bonding???

kitorg borak2 jap ngan mama
tgh borak tu bape kali mama menguap
penat kot
so i ckp ngan mama, suruh mama rest
mama lg suke
dia mmg nk tido time tu

so myPerson pon decide to balik
mama pesan i belikan dia misup
dia nk mkn mlm kang

so kitorg singgah cafe jap
i kan blom lunch lagik
mase tu dh kol 5
kitorg mkn dulu

muke org lapo tahap gaban.tgk mama dh ok baru rase lapo gile smpai nk telan org

he's so patient melayan karenah i yg meroyan kebuloq

not bad gak makanan kt hospital nih
sedap la jugak, tp mahal woooooo
kuey teow ladna + nasi gorng kampung + meehun sup + teh o ais 2 = RM 15

i rase mcm mahal laaaaaa
tp xkesa la kan

then after seeing myPerson balik
i naik atas, anta mee mama
lepak jap
baru balik

smpai umah
lepak gile...
terbongkang terus
lebih 24 jam i dok kt hospital tu
xlarat sgt dh rase

hopefully, mama recover soon
hopefully there's no complication
hopefully esok mama bole discharge
so ari sabtu bole la shopping baju raye....
yeayyyyyy