Job stress

Last 1 month was pretty hectic for me. My colleague decided to take unpaid leave (till dunno when) due to her health condition (high BP). She’s preggo too! Our due dates are 2 weeks apart. Worst still, there’re only 2 of us in the software development team in Johor, so since she’s not around, I’m responsible for (almost) everything.

She took off at a ‘perfect’ timing, I must say. I mean, she has one major application to be deployed, but she’s not around. Of course, I have to take over her project. Having zero knowledge on it, I continued whatever she left. Over 2 weeks, I couldn’t sleep much, even when I did, I kept dreaming of the coding so on and so forth. Then comes the deployment phase, thanks to the SPI team for not testing it thoroughly, there are errors here and there. I went bonkers. I hate it especially when the errors have effect on MESA and worst, the Oracle-MLS and thus, affect the production team for not being able to ship out the products on time. Pfft!

Being committed to my job, I had to come early, went back late (at least later than usual) not to forget attend calls in the middle of the night. I totally hate it when I see 07-259**** numbers on my phone when I’m at home. I immediately got nervous and did hesitate whether to answer or just ignore it. Thinking of the consequences of answering stupid questions the very next day, I hesitantly pick em up.

I’ve joined this company for 4 months plus, to date. And I admit, I still couldn’t find myself totally attached or in love with my job. I mean, I do love programming (I never dreamt I will say this when I was back in UM). But I hate the environment here. EVERYTHING is urgent. I might love this kind of adrenaline rush before. But now, having this little one in me, I find myself having difficulty in coping up and rush in to things. Worst, I still couldn’t totally understand the production flow here.

I never realized, that working in a factory environment, is soooo stressfull. Especially when it NEVER shut down and the productions continues 365 days a year, non-stop. Worst, I still couldn’t get myself hang on the jargons and terms that they frequently blurt to me. What with the different operation codes, the confusing MESA Flow, the overrated binning and whatnot. *sigh*

At times, I do missed working in Kem.pas Medi.cal Cen.tre. At least there, I’m working with….human! Something or rather, someone that I could (personally) relate to. Unlike here, working with machines and such. Oh oh. Did you know, the main reason I decided to call it a quit on my previous 4 years job, is because I couldn’t stand the on-call duty? Yeap! There are quite a number of times that I had to go to the office on non-office hour to settle things. There was once, it was freaking 3am! The server went down because of UPS failure. HATE IT! Moreover, hardware is not my best area. And never will be.

When I look back, as much as I wanted to runaway from being ‘disturbed’ on non-office hour, I can’t. I still have to face the same thing with current job. You see, being a programmer, you have to be responsible with what ever you wrote. When user had a problem, why they couldn’t do this or that, they’ll come straight right to you, while it should be the SPI (System Production Improvement) team they should refer to. Bottom line, only the programmer knows best on that system/application. Therefore, I realized, if I were to remain doing programming, I HAVE to LOVE being ‘disturbed’ at any time of the day, including holidays. Pfftttt!

Deep down inside, SOMETIMES, I do regret that I turned down the offer from SPA on F41 too. cause I’m pretty sure if I were to work in the office as government servant, it won’t be this stressful. but things happened for a reason. If I ever did accept it, maybe, I will have to live away from hubster. And maybe we couldn’t live like the way we are as the pay as F41, is much lower than what Im getting now. But of course, rezeki is Allah’s hand. No matter how much we earn, money will NEVER be enough. That’s a fact. We’re after all, just human. Never satisfied with what we have. ‘__’

As for now, I just have to endure and take in anything that comes by. It’s not the right time to be searching for another job. I’m giving myself till next year. If I still find it hard to hang in here, I shall find myself hitting Jobstreet site every other day. Maybe, no more programming work eyh? Housewife perhaps ? (batting eyelashes to that someone….)

Reconcile

rentetan dari hal semalam

my boss did reply my mail a while after
and he did clarify on things

and now, just to clear the air,
yeah....we're good
not that we weren't
but we did speak heart to heart this morning
and no heart feelings
Alhamdulillah

and to make it even better,
I just got icing on the cake

syukur Alhamdulillah

may we have a Tea-rific year too!!!!
:-)

Letter of Disappointment

I just wrote one to the director

Call me mengada,
but I just couldn't keep it up inside
I could do it face to face, he just went off
I could do it via phone, I knew he's in a middle of an errand
so, I wrote him a 'love' email
just to let if out of my system! 

dont worry
no harsh words
just my 2 cents, in polite words

I am disappointed
I knew, I had resigned
but I did agreed to prolonged my service here
even for a month
it should be a deal

and do correct me if I'm wrong
a deal is not a deal unless 2 party did get something beneficial out of the terms
in which for this case, I didn't get any

I'm disappointed. totally
I've never had major issues with the company or management for the past 4 years
they had treated me good
and I had to say this, I did enjoyed working here

but now, as I'm ending my service here,
I felt...urm....unappreciated
out of sudden, they neglected me.
and how fair is that?


p/s: ikutkan aku, ade yg aku cabut je ni kang. masuk keje baru 1st feb ni....lagi bagus kan?

Finally

I can come out clean
no more beating around the bush

this shall explain those status 'tergantung' that i left on my fb
a couple of times for the past week
which I've deleted
as I'm afraid that someone might sense the 'something-is-not-right' thingie
I did invi it from them
but still, masih rase insecure, so i deleted it

well, if I could still remember those
it went something like this

1. its my second time doing this. am i ready?

2. rezeki oh rezeki

3. I'm nervous. its my first time. ever!
4. berdebar gile rase....dup dap dup dap. can't wait to vent it out! '__'

ok!
something like that lah
and those status, triggered a 'commotion'
only to one issue

kononnye I'm preggo!
as much as I wish that's the news that I want to blurt out,
its NOT!
at least, not yet laaa
its hard to tell now la kan
as my 'bestfriend' just paid me a visit, exactly on our bertandang reception
so, plus minus, though kami dh kawin sebulan,
its impossible for us to 'bunting pelamin'
so, dream on guys! '___'

ok ok
if I'm not prego, then what?

actually, I've resigned from my current company!
dh 4 tahun ok i keje kt tmpat skg
4 years on my first ever job
with my one and only employer to date!
tu la dia

as status no. 1
it refers to the interviews that i went to
in searching for a new job!

its my second time attending interviews
first was for SPA for the post Pegawai IT
which i got accepted, but then, I turned down the offer
with some reasons, that only I understand
others (read: family) knows, but just couldn't understand

at that moment, I've been with the current company for 3 years to date
oh yeah. keje skrg ni, i tak interview pon
i came here for my internship
and they offered me a job during my final exams
which i instantly accepted! :)


and so, this time around,
I went for three interviews
which I carefully and personally shortlist myself
one in Pasir Gudang, another in Permas Jaya and the other in Kempas
if u're a JBians, u can see the locations that i've picked
one near to in-law, another near to my parents and the one in PJ is somewhere in between
very strategically planned ;)

and, syukur Alhamdulillah
I succeeded on all 3 interviews
all 3 companies offered me the position
which, explains the status no.2
rezeki baru berkahwin :)

and as for status no. 3,
it is my first time ever to resign!
without having decided which company I shall move on to,
I resigned! gile kan?
it just shows how bad I want to move on to another company

nevertheless, to write a resignation letter to a company
that has thought me, and brought me to who i am today,
is definitely not easy!
as much as i love working here,
its time to move on. '__'

all this process, I did it silently,
behind my colleague's back
I did not blurt out any single clue to her
that i'm in the middle of looking for a new job
or attending interviews
or even writing a resignation letter
mind you, this whole process, started a couple of weeks before I got married

and thus, last monday
referring to status no. 4 
I decided to come out clean
and tell her everything
it didn't went quite well
lots of drama and tears involved
I totally understand her feeling as I've went the whole same situation before
when my previous leader resigned

and as for now,
she'd accepted the fact that I'm leaving (I guess)
and now, for this 2 months, I'll be even more busy
hope this transition period will go smoothly
and end soon!

to my new company,
please be good to me
and I definitely hope for the best
for my future
and of course, my dear family! :)

VB.Net

let's see
berapa lama i amik utk come up with a project
using .net

dh la satu ape pon tak tau ni
nk kene pandai2 sendiri laa blajar


harap2 dgn bekalan pengetahuan on vb6
i boleh adapt .net dgn cepat!


jiayou!



p/s: gile lame nk install .net ni...dh dkat 3 jam dok tenung tang install je...haih

Record

I cried in front of my boss
no matter how hard i tried to suck it in
but once i see his face, i cried
mellow gile aku nih

no, its not him who made me cried
its someone else
someone who looked down on my capability and integrity

hey you
if you dont know how to solve a problem
how dare you blame anyone else?
and why the heck are u pointing fingers at others (read:me)????
as if i am at fault, whilst actually you are the one who are being ignorant all this while
it is just difficult of you to admit your fault right
to u, it is just right to say those nasty words huh?

bile dah marah, mcm2 ayat keluar
kenapa org macam tu yea?
can't you all spare some feelings for others?
cube la pikir dulu
n tak payah la ungkit bende yg takde kaitan secara tibe2
just to cover malu

maybe you are not cursing me
you are kononnye cursing the system
the system that me and my colleagues developed
that f*cking system is like our baby, damn it!
we are the mother of it
cursing it, is the same as cursing us!

and when i tried to settle your mess
awat ko sibuk2 nk kepoh amik tau
nk tunjuk yg ko tu concern sgt laaa
konon nye dgn cara tu ko nak apologize laa?
heck!

lucky me, my boss is very understanding
he understands what i felt
he even tries to make jokes to cheer me up

haih
byk sgt cacian yg i dapat lately
am i strong enough to suck it all up???
cry. itu je la yg i mampu buat
dgn harapan all those words
mengalir pergi bersame air mata tu
mmg tak laa kan.
sabar je laaa

Server Down

Its 7.45 am
and I'm here in the office

ard 7.15, baru nk start masak,
A&E nurse called me
they can't register patient
system pon takleh masuk

I was like.....oh no...not again!
tak pepasal, mandi laju2, siap laju2
voila...in 10 minutes, I dh dlm kete
hebat x hebat?????
hahhahahha
eh eh eh.... I mandi tauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
cume muka je tak siap
stakat pakai foundation jek
toner, moisturizer hape jadah...tolak tepi

so sampai
test kat one of the client pc
as I expected, bile nk connect,
kuar error message
you have no right to connect..bla bla bla...contact admin...bla bla bla

so, the solution... RESTART SERVER
in 3 minutes, settle!

Alhamdulillah
so now..sume dah ok
the server is up and running

sangap gile dok ofis pepagi
org len takde lagiiiiii
huaaaaaaaaaaarrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhh

i'm sorry

ntah la eh
i rase i ada buat slh
dgn my colleague
bukan la salah ape
maybe, cara i ckp tu, wat dia slh fhm
mcm i marah ke ape

why i felt that way?
sbb skrg i tgk dia dh jarang msg2 or col her other half
i rase macam i punca nya

i pikir punye pikir
i teringat
ade sekali tu, just out of sudden
i ckp kt dia to speed up the enhancement yg dia tgh buat tu
mungkin, MUNGKIN masa tu dia tgh text kot
kot laaaa
and mungkin dia pikir i mrh dia text ke ape
hurmmmmm
padahal i baru dpt "ceramah" dr org atas
ade few things yg i dh delay kn
so i need her to speed up yg itu, and move on to next task
pening la kpale i nak handle semua kan
and i am not saying she didn't do her job or whatsoever it is
infact, she's good at it...competent i must say
and i senang keje dgn dia

tapi since i ckp tu,
i dapat rase, dia mcm lain dgn i
i dunno laaa
i can see that she's faking everything
the smile, the jokes and even the chit chat

i nak keadaan yang dulu
if only i can turn back the time.....
i hate this feeling laaaaa

to you...
I'm sorry k kalo fana wat u fikir camtu
its just hard to be in my shoes
and trust me, I'm hanging on, just for you
haih....

State of mind

perhaps tomorrow will be better
PERHAPS . Perhaps . perhaps

Someday...Hopefully

Remember this?

I'm supposedly to report duty today
and I've been receiving lotsa calls regarding this
I'm stressed
due to this issue and current workloads

am I making a mistake?
Hope Not!

Risk we, System Developer may encounter

3 freaking days
I've been working hard
trying to settle one huge problem

a customer, a patient's son
claims that he had paid extra RM 5K for the IP bill
with a proof of series of receipt, faxed to us during the holidays

he did pay 5K on 21/8 and 5/9 respectively
on 5/9, he requested our cashier to reprint the 21/8 receipt
so there are 2 receipts of 5K collected

however, in the series of receipts that he faxed to us,
there is one EXTRA receipt, dated 4/9
which the receipt number belongs to another patient (in our DB)
but in his copy, stated his father's name
with payment collected amount of 5K

I searched high and low
not to mention debug and all
try to get the extra receipt that he claimed, had received
of course, I have to be responsible for the system we developed
though I am certain that there is no mistake in the system,
but still, I need to do a thorough check
I wouldn't want anyone to have any doubt with the technology we developed

after a very long winding discussion
and investigations
one conclusion

the receipt is fake!

why????
first of all, the cashier's name in that EXTRA receipt,
weren't on duty on the 4th
how on earth, her name would be the collector of the payment when she wasn't even around????

and the most interesting thing is,
the printed time is exactly the same second when the 5/9 receipt printed
which is IMPOSSIBLE.
no printing can be done within the same freaking second
there must be at least 1 second interval between both

and guess what????

our account girl called the other family member's
a girl, and she says
"dont bother to check. We already suspected our brother is making this whole thing up"

geeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzz
there goes my raya mood
worried sick as I couldn't find any solution
putting myself under the spotlight for 3 freaking days
while the solution came from the troublemaker himself
damn!

karenah yang buat I lost my patience

hey you!
dah terang2 its ur damn userID yang charge the injection from the wrong store
dah terang2 u yang buat silap
and i dgn senang hati bagi u jalan penyelesaian

but instead, u went around the hospital,
pointing fingers to others, but not yourself
and tell others how bad the system is

excuse me, IF the system is soooooo teruk,
then why the hell only YOU, i repeat, only YOU face that stooopid problem
why go the hard way, when the solution is very simple
susah sgt ke nk mengaku kesalahan sendiri????
it's not like u r fired, if u admit u r at fault!!!

and damn, you really have a lot of guts by saying
"awak ingat system awak tu bagus sgt ke"
right in front of my face!
that's very brave of you, a HCA, to memperlekeh my job
U have no right to question my credibility!
No right at all!

I have nothing against u before, but from now on,
I am not available to assist u on any matter

damn!
I am now contemplating on reporting this to management

p/s: It is real hard to be responsible of the IT Dept, at this very young age, as many other staffs are much older than you. Bosses told me to be more firm.. but how firm can i be, to gain their R.E.S.P.E.C.T to me? tak nak jadi bos lagi!

mcam tak caye jee

remember the PTM interview that i went?

well, supposedly, the result kuar around 8 Aug
kan 9 Aug i ade exam PTD
so beria gile i cek kt internet
bebalik, ini yg i dapat


watdeheck kan...
dah tentu2 i pegi interview tu
tp bile dah 80 kali cek,
80 kali gak kuar bende tuh, (gile exaggerate 80 kali)
cek sms, same jugeeeeee
then ade orang bg a link to check all the successful candidates
i check jugakkkk


takde nama gua ok...
yg ade, nama sama, tapi lain bapak
i pasrah (eicewah)
kesimpulannya, i tak dapat laaaaaa
ok, fine.....
life goes onnnnn

tapiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
last week (3 Sept),
tup tup,
ni sampai kt umah


masa ayah tunjuk surat tu,
I was like "huh? dapat ehhhhh???"
mmg tak expect langsung

i bukan nye ape
i nak tau result, just to see my potential
i skrg mmg saje suke2 test market
niat nk betol2 pindah tu belom ade lg
tapi bile tgh stress tu, dan dan tu la bukak jobstreet
tp bile dh ok blk, ok jeeeeeee
emo dan drama terlebih kt situ

interview PTM ari tu pon gi sbb dh 3 tahun menunggu kannn
so, pegi je laaaa
tapi bile dh dpt ni, i mcm resah gelisah

ntah laa eh
bile x dapat, nakkkk
bile dh dapat, mcm "erm?huh?nk accept ke?"

I masih contemplating nk accept ke tak
I tau, mesti ade yg kata "amik je laaaa"

well, I have my reasons to be contemplating
first, i blom tau kt mana i akan keje
kalau kt jb ok laaaaa
still dpt jaga mama
kalau town2 cam kl/putrajaya, pon ok laaa....
tp mesti serba slh gile sbb tak dpt jage mama

tp kalo dia campak kt ntah ceruk mana, howwwwwwwwwww????
camne nak idopppp????
lelagi kalao kene seberang (sabah/sarawak)
erk!

nak solat istikharah,
tetibe arini ni laaa i dah 'raya'
doa cam biase je laaa untuk petunjuk
anyway, I believe,
rezeki untuk semua mmg ada
cuma depends to us sama ada nk berusaha dapatkan ke tak

tapi orang kata, orang tamak selalu rugiiiiiii
adeih!

Visit Malacca 2009

ni backdated entry

went to Malacca 1st Aug arituuuu
company trip
balik ari jeeeee
gi pg, 7 am, blk mlm, 10 pm

ade 2 trips
followed the first one
sbb mase 2nd trip tu ade PC Fair

overall, trip tu biase jeee
tapi teramat laaa penatttt
ikut pon sbb kang ade yg dikata tak bersosial kannnnnn

went to Mini Msia, Zoo Melaka,
Kapal ape ntah, n shopping kt Dataran Pahlawan
had breakfast at RnR Machap
lunch at Baba Nyonya Restaurant, Seroni....sedaaaapppp
and dinner at Lucky Garden (tak silap) at Ayer Itam

malas nk citer pepanjang
tapi ni pon dah panjang ehkkkk
whatever laaaa
enjoy the piccas yeaa
lame gile gamba2 ni terperap


I'm getting good at this ehk???
ceh peraaaasaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnn
takpe2...belaja lagiiiii

Can I not wear Baju Kurung

to PTD exam?????
dah la ari sabtu

cam tak rock ah pakai baju kurung
kang pas exam nak dating
pakai baju kurung???
dah la exam kat The Zon Hotel
bawah tu kan shopping
cam poyo je merendek pakai baju kurung on SABTU!
kang kalo nk tgk The Proposal, pakai baju kurung????
alahaiii
cam tak sesuai jeee

sesape yg pnah gi exam PTD,
boleh share tak diorang pakai baju ape
I igt nk pakai kemeja and pants
2 piece la kire
cam poyo la pulak nak 3 piece kan
nnt bwk bekal jeans ah
at least tinggal salin jeans je bile nk gi dating
eiceh
macam la orang tu nak ajak aku date sabtu nih

tetibe ko nak dtg berturut2 ehhhh

again, 3 tahun tunggu ni
aritu kn baru interview utk PTM
few days ago, dpt lagi surat from SPA

ayah punye la tak saba
beria call kate ade letter from SPA
dia bajet result interview aritu
harapan la nk dpt kan
jawab com hampeh jeeee

anyway, i dipanggil utk buat exam for PTD pulak
ramai yg dok apply, i pon apply gak
tak mengharap sgt pon
my cousin kate, try jek
mmg lari bidang, tapi cube try test kemampuan diri
i sahut cabaran tu

tapi ni cam cuak lak
8 Aug...lagi 2 minggu jek,
ape yg nk distudy nih?????
SPA pon satu
panggil bile dh tinggal 2 minggu je
mane sempat nk prepare pape
xpelaaa...buat je la yg terbaik
we'll see how it goes


note: skrg mmg tgh mood ala2 je dgn keje skrg... tgh mengobserve peluang di tempat orang. ehem.InsyaAllah....jauh perjalanan, luas pemandangan kannnnn...

sesape yg nak interview F41

sile tgk site ini utk dpt info psl interview
byk soklan bocor woooo
percayelaaa

and rajin2 jugak la gi sini
kompem diorg tanye psl site ni
percayelaaa

p/s: nad, hope it helps you too..Good Luck babe!

preparation

sebelum pergi hadiri ini

harus sedia dan kemaskini kan ini

dalamnye ade ini

dan juga ini

jgn lupe transkrip juge yea

and salinan I/C and surat beranak

sekian

patah tangan

not really
its symbolic actually

my assistant, nora,
on medical leave
admitted in Puteri due to her 'sakit perut'
dekat 2 minggu dh dia merana
kesian gile

knape keje kt spital, tp gi spital lain????
sebab, we r not entitled utk claim
ah.whatever lah

ape pon,
nora...
get well soon
cepat naik keje
boring ahhhhhhhhh

26 May 2009 @ approximately 4 PM

our server decided to crash
patutnye if the node 1 down, node 2 harus amik alih
tp i pon pelik apsal itu tidak terjadi?

well, after a few attempts of restarting it,
we figured, its not the server yg crash
but the Database
so kalo db dh crash, cmne lak node 2 nk takeover kan?
patutlaaaaa

around 4, tetibe je SQL Server tu jam
takleh masuk
nk masuk backup folder pon xboley
so camne nk amek latest db yg weols backup 2 kali sehari tu
kalo mcm ni la gayenye, 80 kali backup pon x gune
salah weols gak cos transfer out the backup file

so segala nye telah kaput
yg ade, hanyelah db setakat 25 May 7PM
we settled with it

setup backup server yg super kecik tu
erk.takdela kecik mcm normal pc
tp small enuff utk menguji kesabaran semua org

so now, we're relyin on the backup server yg kecik itu

waiting for expert dr spore utk dtg
consult, n beli server baru
walau hanye utk backup, we should've opt for a good one
big and fast enuf

so the plan is, beli 1 backup server yg baru
then configure blk the 2 main servers
then semua jd ok

ok ke?
gile ah

di umur yg baru masuk 24 thn
i have to face this major issue on my own
not really on my own- GM dan MD adelah sgt baik ati utk come out with a genius plan
mule la rase nyesal masuk bidang ni
n pepandai berani terima utk tanggung such a huge responsibilty
tp, ni semua ujian
harus ditempuhi dgn tabah

so mulai hari ni,
staff kt sini kene kuatkan iman
iman harus teguh
kerana perlu byk bersabar tatkala menggunakan system
memang super lembab