My bestfriend came late last month. Almost 2 weeks late that I started to question myself, am I pregnant? I bought 3 home UPT kits without having any expectations in mind. Unlike when we’re expecting Nurin, I was all hyped and anticipated for the 2 lines (I wasn’t even late that time). Apart of me do wish for the 2 lines, but on the other hand, I kept on chanting ‘are we ready’? I’m nervous.
If you were to ask us whether we are ready, the answer would be Yes, followed by a long list of buts and hesitancies. To be frank, I’ve not get over of the agony of contraction pain, the torturing episiotomy, the sleepless nights, the painful cuts and bruises over breastfeeding, the mind-numbing post-partum depression, so on and so forth. But if I were to wait till I completely get over it, I don’t think that moment will ever come any soon, and I’m not getting any younger. All that has happened. And it happens for a reason. A reason to smile when you witness and experience the wonderful days as your child grows and learns.
Nope. We’re not expecting yet. But we’re officially off any family planning or protection that we’ve been lugging on for the past year. Nope, I wasn’t on any sort of pills coz I don’t trust myself to gobble down pills every single day diligently. Plus I heard that some pills may mess around with your hormones and cause you to put on more weight (which I don’t need because I’ve had my fair share) and plus, when you’re ready to conceive, you’ll need to plan 6 months or so ahead and bla bla bla… So we trust each other, and we turn to…condoms. It may not be the safest way on family planning, but it works for us so far (aside of fully breastfeed). At the end of the day, kun faya kun. It’s all in His hands. So we plan (not so diligently) and the rest, we leave it to Him to decide.
It was hard for us to decide whether we are ready for additional member to our little family. You see, me and hubs are both second child in our family. We both have sisters. And Nurin is the first and one and only (as for now) grandchild for both sides. You get the drill. I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone (if we ever get pregnant again). But as mama said, “Rezeki masing2”..This, is the main reason why I was reluctant to feel ‘happy’ to TTC. Deep down inside, how I wish 3 of us could ‘balloon up’ together. But yeah, who are we to decide.
The more we think about it, the more we thought, SubhanAllah! Allah knows better. He shall know when we are ready. So, goodbye planning, TTC, welcome aboard!