Monday, December 28, 2009

Traffic

rase bersalah lak ngan a friend of mine
i dh janji nak tlg collect kn favors dia kt geylang

kengkonon nk masuk khamis aritu
tp tak jadi sbb cam too spontaneous
tak prepare pape
duit pon lom tukar lagi
route pon baru nk checkout


then plan nk gi sunday
lupe lak yg long weekend
sure jam gile on sunday

so plan nk gi ari ni
baru jek check traffic kt causeway tu
quite congested lagiiii



hopefully by petang ni, ok laaaa
tak sampai hati nk delay lagiiii
kang ade yang tak kawin kangggg
ngehehehehe
 


babe, aku try masuk ptg ni k
ko doa2 laa traffic clear
ngehehehehe
aku lak yg excited nk tgk rupe favors tu

cam aku lak yg nak kawin
ceh

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

heart gile!




xnk tulis byk
just nk letak gamba ni je
suke!


Friday, December 18, 2009

Awal Muharram

petang semalam gi masjid
since last week mama dh cakap
it wasn't a normal sambutan awal muharram for us
it was extra special
coz mak teh ade sedekah utk wat tahlil arwah sekali
since kebetulan malam jumaat kan

so semalam, yang gi masjid
is ayah, mama, mak teh, ayah andak, ucu and me
kirenye adek beradek mama sume ade except for the spore guys

gi masjid around 6.30
bersungguh weols tolak mama
fyi, setelah bertahun, ni kali pertama mama masuk masjid
mmg dah lama dia tak gi masjid
sebab sakit kan

masa baca doa akhir tahun,
Astaghfirullah.....sayunya hati ni
memang rase insaf gile
rase diri ini hina gile di sisi PenciptaKu
lagi2 masa doa tu dia ada baca the translation
I was sobbing macam ape je
sedangkan Imam pon nangis tersedu2 sambil baca doa
apetah lagi weols yang makmum ni kannn
almost everyone ended up dwelling in tears

after solat Maghrib, baca doa awal tahun pula
masa mengaminkan doa tu, I rase dekat sangat dgn Diaand I promise myself, to be se-dekat dgn Dia as possible
me and makteh nangis semahu2nye lepas baca doa tuu


I mengaku, I wasn't a good Muslim all this while
sempena Buku Baru ni, I akan cuba utk berhijrah
semoga Dia merahmati setiap langkah perjalanan hidupku

habis je baca doa akhir tahun
Ayah took over the majlis for the tahlil arwah
ayah's intro.....sangat sayu
I don't know, everytime ayah sebut nama mama kat majlis, terus sebak semacam
ayah mention, ini hajat mama and keluarga
utk ahli keluarga yang telah pergi
khususnya Mohd Syakirin
sedih..............

after tahlil, solat Isya'
then makan
cik an yang masak kan
menu, mama yang set
nasi putih, lemak pisang, sambal tumis udang and petai, ikan tenggiri kicap, ayam goreng
sedappppp, lagi2 makan dlm dulang kannn
my mom's family and makan dlm dulang adelah sgt sinonim
we just love makan dalam dulang masa kenduri

balik tu, uncle ijam and family ade
umar....sangat comel
makin galak laaa weols ke seri alam
semata2 nk tgk umar
marsha and adam lak dok tgk upin ipin
dh bape puloh kali tgk
sampai dah hafal dialog pon
citer tu takdela kelakar mana
tapi diorang nye gelak....macam lawak gile jeeee

by 11 baru diorang gerak balik
then borak2 lak ngan akak
sebab tido bilik diaaa
ntah kol bape laaaa tido
by 2, I am still awake ok

citer pasal marriage life
her friends' experiences
serious. pas dgr cerite dia, I jadi sangat takut nk kahwin
malas nk citer kt sini
tapi kesimpulannye, dia buat I fikir
we should marry the guy who adore and loves us
tak kesah laa i cinta dia ke tak
yang penting, I am his life, his world, his everything
baru ok
kalao tak, memang takuuuuuuuuuuutttttttttt je

and here I am
bekerja on Awal Muharram
haih...boring!


Friday, December 11, 2009

Excited!

hahaha
takde ape pon
mesti korang gelak baca ni
tapi takpe
nk gak share kat sini
so that in the future, i can read back
and know that I ni poyo gak
hahahaha
gile. gelak sesorg.

ape yg di excited kan????
ehem
ermmmm
|
|
|
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nk date esok!




hahahahaha
gile. gelak sesorg lagi.

i told you!
it is so lame!
nk date pon kecoh eh fana????

takdelaaaa
selalunye every week kitorg akan jumpe
yeap. walaupon sesama dok jb,
we didn't see each other every single freaking day
hanye once or twice each week

unfortunately, hujung tahun is the craziest season for him
his workloads adelah sgt CRAZY
kekadang mmg cam takde mase utk rest
balik pon madah lambat jeeee
kesian dia
mase utk rest pon takde,
apetah lagi utk nk spend time utk his precious love ni kan
bluek.hahahahaha
harus laa up kan diri sendiri kan

but still, he did manage to squeeze in a couple of minutes
of phone calls or texts for me
in between of his tight schedule
and i am beyond happy for that

of course la kekadang tu cam hangin gak
sbb dia dh takde masa utk i kn
n yes, i mmg faham
tapi kdg2 tu, TER-tak paham
and time tu laaaa i TERuji kesabaran dia
and i am so sorrrrrry for all that
tak berniat. tapi TERRRRRR
paham tak????

last weekend pon kitorang tak jumpe
he's busy and adelaaa something came up
so kirenye dh about 2 weeks i tak jumpe dia
rindu dowh!

tapi, yes fana....sile faham!
kalao dia tak kerja,
camne dia nak propose awak dgn bunga mawar 80 dozen and cincin lip lap 80 000 karat makan?????
hahahha
kidding dear!

so esok!
akan ku lepaskan rindu dendam ini
eh eh..poyonye aku nih!


tapi kannnnnnn....
esok pagi dia still kene masuk keje!
ade meeting katanye
and he should be free by noon
please be sayang!!!!!
R.I.N.D.U.t.a.h.u.T.A.K.??????

ok
tu je
dh malu dah ni
nk dok one corner and tutop muke
bye!




Friday, December 4, 2009

Record

I cried in front of my boss
no matter how hard i tried to suck it in
but once i see his face, i cried
mellow gile aku nih

no, its not him who made me cried
its someone else
someone who looked down on my capability and integrity

hey you
if you dont know how to solve a problem
how dare you blame anyone else?
and why the heck are u pointing fingers at others (read:me)????
as if i am at fault, whilst actually you are the one who are being ignorant all this while
it is just difficult of you to admit your fault right
to u, it is just right to say those nasty words huh?

bile dah marah, mcm2 ayat keluar
kenapa org macam tu yea?
can't you all spare some feelings for others?
cube la pikir dulu
n tak payah la ungkit bende yg takde kaitan secara tibe2
just to cover malu

maybe you are not cursing me
you are kononnye cursing the system
the system that me and my colleagues developed
that f*cking system is like our baby, damn it!
we are the mother of it
cursing it, is the same as cursing us!

and when i tried to settle your mess
awat ko sibuk2 nk kepoh amik tau
nk tunjuk yg ko tu concern sgt laaa
konon nye dgn cara tu ko nak apologize laa?
heck!

lucky me, my boss is very understanding
he understands what i felt
he even tries to make jokes to cheer me up

haih
byk sgt cacian yg i dapat lately
am i strong enough to suck it all up???
cry. itu je la yg i mampu buat
dgn harapan all those words
mengalir pergi bersame air mata tu
mmg tak laa kan.
sabar je laaa



so true...

Read this here

We always say the things we mean. Especially when we don't think first and when our mood catches up on us. Anger, frustration, stress, fatigue. Emotions rise up and we say what we feel rather than what others wanna hear. That's when we know when others are saying the truth. When they can't control it.

Sometimes, even small things can become a huge matter. It all depends on the situation and obviously the people involved. Sometimes, it hurts a lot when it comes from someone you love. Though you've heard it a thousand times, but when it comes from that particular person, it takes a toll on you and suddenly you feel like you've been stabbed right through the heart (No. I'm not exaggerating).

Then there are moments when it happens, you can't help but doubt the choices you made in the first place and whether it's all worth it. In those times, all you need is just assurance or at least a bit of light that every effort and sacrifice is actually worth it. Or else, all you can think of is giving up and giving up is not an option...



p/s: but as someone says...when all efforts are ignored and sacrifices are not appreciated, the last option, could be the best option.ever.

p/p/s: just a thought to ponder.





Thursday, December 3, 2009

Happy

ni cerita last saturday

kami tonton ini



tunggu makanan yg lambat



kami makan ini




sehingga tinggal ini




bam bam sudaaaaa





Boleh ke tak nangis????

Got this through an email
I would like to share it with you guys


***************************************

A story worth sharing

4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.

There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.

With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bedsheet and blanket!

Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:

"Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..."


At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.

A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.

However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....

Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud too!

Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas spirit is in every passer-by... Christmas carols and frantic shoppers.... but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy.

My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..."


After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say....

I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help opening the letter before they turn to ash.

And one of the letters broke my heart....

Dear Mummy,

I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldnt help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why havent you appear?



After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....



For the females with children:


Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.

For the married men:


Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients.

Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable.

Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones.


For those singles out there:


Beauty lies in loving yourself first.

With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being.



Wednesday, December 2, 2009

second chance

in two days
i got 2 second chances
i'm blessed
syukur alhamdulillah

masih ade strangers yg baik di dunia ni
thank you both

these 2 cases,
makes me realise
betol2 bukak kan mata i
and kalau boleh, i dh xnk waste any of my time
on bende yg tak patut
yg remeh temeh

i should make use of what i have
sepenuhnye
dont take things for granted
tak semua orang dpt second chance

ade lagi satu
yg ni ntah bape kali chance dh
tp mmg i admit, i salah
sayang....maafkan farah...
i want to work things out
for us.



Relapse

experienced one yesterday
Probably because of too stressed out
or too tired
or maybe because I didnt eat?
biar lah

anyway, awak
terima kasih yea
saya tau saya ckp jangan
tapi awak tau lebih baik kan
thank you for today
mcm la awak baca ni kann
hah

ntah la eh
sometimes, i rasa mcm nk give up
tp, later on, bile i pikir balik,
yes, maybe mmg ade seorang yg tak perlukan i
yang rasa i ni tak penting bagi dia
tapi masih ade yg lain yg perlukan i
masih ade yang rase i ni penting

so utk yg masih bertahan
walaupon ade org kata takde sape yg boleh tahan dgn i
and diorang bertahan pon sbb terpakse ke ape
well, i'll still try my best
to make my self live
at least for today

tapi takdir Allah, sapa yg tau kan?
biar la ape doktor nk ckp,
i lagi percaya pada takdir
kalau esok, esok laaa...
redha. berserah je la.




Tuesday, December 1, 2009

empty

by the time you read this
I might be somewhere
somewhere which i don't know yet at the moment
i'm lost
i felt empty
i need to find my self back
seems like my soul has left me
and i need to get it back
how? i dont know
i just need to go
go somewhere
may i'll find what im searching for
dont ask what im finding
i dont know
i did mention i felt empty right?
and yeah...im helpless too

pray for me yeah
panjang umur, jumpe lagi!
i c u when i c u in i c u.
PEACE


p/s: I Love You.



melancholy

its lunch time
and im in office
blogging my brains out
i guess this is the only way i can let out my feelings

as i type, i am sobbing
i could barely see the letters on the keyboard
i dont know what this entry gonna be all about
but i just want to type

it felt right
crying and typing
it seems to be the best thing to do now

i am being ridiculous
for crying mcm ape
over...nothing
but i dont know
i just feel soo.....sad
and empty

i keep on wondering
if im gone
will he be fine?
will he be happy with the one he choose?
will he cry?
will he still loves chocolate as much?
will he..................miss me?

kadang2 kite cume akan appreciate org tu bile dia dh takde
will he realize how much i meant to him?

death...is subjective
it can happen anytime
kun fayakun....

but will anyone realize my non-existance?



Dead Man Walking

thats what I am this morning
Couldnt get much sleep last night
been forcing myself not to gobble any pills
and let the nature takes its course

and of course
it's taking a toll on me
I'm practically a walking zombie today
mane taknye, 4.20 am, I am still wide awake
sampai abes bateri PSP i keje kan

I know
mesti many of you just couldn't get it
well, I didn't expect you to
its my issue
and I'm not FORCING you to cure it
but a lil unserstanding might help in a long run
adding more problems, is a BIG No No

there are a couple of things floating in my mine last night
though I'm getting adrenaline rush on the Need for Speed,
I can't help but to think of...
Who's next????(hanya org tertentu je yg faham ni)
mmg ini takdir Allah
tapi we humans kan, bile dh berkali bende tu berlaku,
ade laa pikir gak kan

pemergian Yin couple of days ago
macam mimpi
I masih belom dapat terima kenyataan sepenuhnye
yes, I redha....but
somehow, I masih harap ni semua mimpi
and bile I bangun, dia tengah merengek ajak I shopping
which of course, is impossible

haih
I am in no position to mengeluh or whatsoever
byk sgt masalah sekarang ni
nk gi jogging pon dh takde mood
tambah lagi ngan the-time-of-the-month
sakit gilerrrrr...sampai takleh dok tegak
muntah...tok sah ckp laaaa
bape kali dahhhhh

come to think of it,
am I next???
if it is, will anyone miss me?


p/s: janji is a janji. tapi mcm janji tu takde makna ape ape pon...smpai skrg takde bunyi pape pon...senyap je RedHOT....



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